1. While in Sochi, snowboarder Sage Kotsenburg took home gold at the slopestyle snowboarding event.
2. He was pretty excited.
3. Since Sage loves snacks…
4. We challenged him to the only Olympics that really matter.
Here he is with his team BuzzFeed. The baddest team there is.
The first event was cookie curling. OK, so it’s really like shuffleboard. But don’t hold it against us. It’s really hard to make a circle out of tape! Anyway, the objective is to slide cookies across the table. The person with the most points wins.
12. And Team BuzzFeed won 4-3.
Look at Sage’s poor cookie at the end. So sad.
13. After the event we checked in with the athlete.
That was a really difficult competition. How are you feeling about how you did?
Sage Kotsenburg: I’m pretty bummed I came off the Olympics in snowboarding and FAILED in the Cookie Olympics, so it’s kind of a bummer.
Have you ever tried anything this challenging?
SK: No, it’s never been anything this challenging at all. It’s a lot of hard work and it didn’t pay off for me at all.
What do you have to say to your opponent?
SK: She’s good. She’s dangerous and I hope to see her back in four years. We’ll have a big tournament.
17. After another round of losses we made sure Sage was still doing OK.
So, you’re 0-2. What’re you going to do now?
SK: I’m feeling the pressure right now. I just gotta eat a big doughnut right now, really fast.
Have you done this before?
SK: I haven’t done this before and I just ate a giant sandwich before so this should be really disgusting.
Do you have a strategy?
SK: I think I’ll just gobble. Gobble as much as I can.
19. TEAMS, ARE YOU READY?!
In this third event, competitors have to eat a donut without their hands. Whoever does it first wins.
20. Go! Go! Go!
22. And BuzzFeed goes in for the kill!
23. Uh oh, 0-3…
OK, you already ate a sandwich, and now you had to do that. How do you feel?
SK: That’s the only reason why I lost, I just ate. I totally would have had it.
So you didn’t prepare correctly?
SK: I think he’s way more hydrated too.
How would you have done it differently if you were to do it again?
SK: I would have just gone all in. One bite and just probably would have been dry heaving after, but it would have been worth it.
25. Here is how it works:
In each round, Team BuzzFeed and Sage were blindfolded and given Doritos. They then had to guess which flavor they were.
26. The first round was Spicy Nacho Cheese.
BuzzFeed: Cool Ranch?
SK: Yeah, Cool Ranch?
27. Round 2: classic Nacho Cheese
28. Their guesses:
BuzzFeed: Oh oh oh! I know this. I ate this everyday in fourth grade. It’s Nacho Cheese.
SK: Cool Ranch?
29. Round 3: Baja Picante
30. Their guesses:
BuzzFeed: Um, Cool Ranch?
SK: Is this the Baja Bean one?
31. Final round: Cool Ranch
Don’t mind the crumbs.
32. Their guesses (after some adorable Lady and the Tramp action):
BuzzFeed: Spicy Chili?
SK: COOL RANCH!
33. Sage won the Doritos event!
So, how are you feeling now?
SK: I’m feeling better about my life. I guessed Cool Ranch three times in a row and it finally worked out for me. Just process of elimination, ya know?
How do you feel about Doritos now? Is it going to change the way you see Doritos?
SK: I’m going to go home and buy every Doritos bag and just blind taste test in case this happens ever happens again.
What do you have to say to your BuzzFeed competitors now that they’ve beaten you?
SK: They had to have cheated. They cheated. On the first two. They cheated.
34. Results: BuzzFeed won 3-1 but Sage won a bacon medal anyway!
35. Because what’s better than a bacon medal?
37. Oh right, one of these.
- A federal jury cleared the leaders of an Oregon standoff. The militia group took over a wildlife refuge last January.
- Here are some of the best Vines to watch before Twitter kills it 💀