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Holy Fork Balls Apparently Taylor Swift Really Was Hiding In A Suitcase


Approximately 1.5 years ago there was a rumor that was so crazy that it couldn't be true. Like, it just couldn't be true because it was so crazy. That rumor was that Taylor Swift was being carried around in a suitcase to avoid being seen by paparazzi.

At that time I, a serious investigative journalist, did a serious journalistic investigation into whether or not the rumor was true. And while there was strong evidence that it was in fact not just a rumor, but FACT...

...such as one of her security guards carefully towing this big ol' suitcase out of her apartment...

...or another time when this same huge suitcase was carefully transported into her car by the help of two strong dudes...

... and yet ANOTHER time when the same suitcase arrived and was once again handled like there was a very valuable human inside...

...I still could not declare a definitive answer. I mean, as much as I wanted to believe it, it just didn't seem real. I didn't feel lucky enough to have such amazing celebrity news bestowed on me. But that was until now. Because lordt almighty Zayn Malik has just cracked this (suit)case wide open!!!!!!!!

In an interview with Vogue at one point in the conversation Zayn randomly says this:

"She was travelling around in a suitcase,” he says, eyes agog, of his pal Taylor Swift’s ability to avoid the paparazzi."

I have no idea how this came up or what led Zayn to reveal this, but he did. He said SHE. WAS. TRAVELING. AROUND. IN. A. SUITCASE. THAT IS A DIRECT QUOTE!!!!

Now, why would I trust Zayn Malik you ask? Because Zayn is dating Gigi Hadid.

And Gigi Hadid is one of Taylor's best friends.

Which means that as the best friend's boyfriend, Zayn would most definitely have intel on this. Which means that I must take what he says as gospel and that it is true, TAYLOR REALLY WAS IN A SUITCASE.

I can die happy now! Taylor was in there all along!!! Thank you Zayn for this revelation!!