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For Everyone Who's Still Fucked Up Over That Story About The Girl With The Ribbon Around Her Neck

I am not over "The Green Ribbon."

Hello, my friends. I am here to ruin your day by reminding you of that iconic spooky story about the girl with the ribbon around her neck, from this classic book:

Remember? It's a wonderful story that also scarred me for life. It was called "The Green Ribbon" and this is literally the story. It's about a girl named Jenny who wears a green ribbon around her neck.

Basically the girl met some dude named Alfred, and Alfred was always like, "Jenny, what's up with the green ribbon around your neck??"

But Jenny never told Alfred; she was like, "You've gotta wait to find out!" But Alfred kept asking and asking. She even wore the green ribbon around her neck when they got MARRIED, and still didn't tell him why!

Then they got old and Jenny got sick, but she still had that green ribbon around her neck. Finally, as she was dying she said that she could tell Alfred why she wore the green ribbon...

...and it turns out it's because JENNY IS AN UNDEAD LIAR!!!


First of all it's like, holy shit, Jenny! What the hell!

Why didn't you tell your husband that you were a zombie with her head chopped off?!?!!?

I mean, in retrospect, she was pale AF and clearly using excess blush to pretend like there was blood circulation to her face. We should have seen it coming!

But alas, we did not. And instead we got a twist ending crazier than The Sixth Sense. Because Jenny's head fell off her freaking body.

Literally onto the floor.

Like, I kid you not when I say Jenny's head just falls off.

...all because she took off a choker she was wearing around her neck.

And let me tell you, for the past 20+ years I have not gotten over this story. And now chokers are cool again. So it's like, do we just have hundreds of Jennys walkin' around?!?

I mean, I wear scarfs and bandanas around my neck frequently. Am I a Jenny?????

Not to mention dumb ol' Alfred! How oblivious are you?? Didn't you notice that your wife's head was maybe a little wobbly or loose??