1. This is Retta. She plays Donna on “Parks and Recreation.”
4. Retta is comfortable in her own skin.
Stopped 4 a Thai massage on the way home and dude was so deep widdit I actually let out an audible “Get it son!” He did not understand me.— Retta
5. She’s self-aware.
I need to hurry up and become an American icon before Kenan Thompson leaves SNL.— Retta
6. She’s honest.
Who else upon hearing mention of kegels in a film immediately begins kegeling? #Guilty #KeepItTightKeepItRight— Retta
7. Like, REALLY honest.
You know itâ€™s freezing when your nips hurt. I could cut glass with these things.— Retta
9. She watches “Smash.”
Derek says he wants something raw and OF COURSE Karen thinks to call Too Angry 4 Life Frick & Dead Arms Frack.
I saw Gypsy at a community theater in Temecula and it had more sex appeal than this number. This 2-step is NOT arousing. #SMASH— Retta
Um, when did they rehearse ANY of this???? #TheVampireDiaries is more believable than this episode of #SMASH.— Retta
13. She watches “Girls.”
Omigod sex in a graveyard w/a 19 year-old wearing denim shorts is 2 of my sex nightmares rolled into 1!! #GIRLS— Retta
How MANY times am I gonna have to see Hannah pee in this episode? #GIRLS— Retta
If Jessa was my friend (sheâ€™d never be) & left me at her dadâ€™s raggedy ass crib after shaming me into eating bunny meat, Iâ€™d cut her. #GIRLS— Retta
17. She watches “Scandal.”
Mellie ainâ€™t slick. Her scheming is going to come back and bite her in her conniving ass. #SCANDAL— Retta
Careful Fitz. U gonâ€™ burn a hole through Livâ€™s dress if u keep staring like that. Or is that what youâ€™re hoping? Too late sucka. #SCANDAL— Retta
21. She watches “The Walking Dead.”
I feel like one-eye coulda done a better job with that eye patch.
Why Rick so stubborn? Yâ€™all gon need some back up son + all the other black folk on the show are dead. Help a bruthuh out. #MoNegroesPlease— Retta
Just b/c itâ€™s end of days donâ€™t mean we should be racially insensitive.
25. She watches “Downton Abbey.”
Aw shit! Mr. Bates lookinâ€™ dapper like a muhfuhkuh.
Omigod did the earl just say that the lads at Eton were â€˜bout it, â€˜bout it?!?!?!#OverHereRolling #ICant
If this fool doesnâ€™t stop w/ this ridiculous dining room tutorial of cricket â€¦someoneâ€™s gonna crack his â€œdelicate but strongâ€ ass. #Downton— Retta
29. She watches “The Vampire Diaries.”
Oh Jeremy. If yâ€™all went to as many classes as ya do dances youâ€™d know the answer to that.#TheVampireDiaries— Retta
Wow this dudeâ€™s got ALL KINDS of gadgets. Heâ€™s the Bruce Wayne of vamp hunters. #TheVampireDiaries— Retta
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU???????
Did this bitch just-
Iâ€™m at a loss, I canâ€™t even, was he wearing, WHAAAAAT?!?!#TheVampireDiaries— Retta