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Retta Is The Only Person You Need To Follow On Twitter

She's mastered the artform. Sorry, everyone else.

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Retta is comfortable in her own skin.

Stopped 4 a Thai massage on the way home and dude was so deep widdit I actually let out an audible "Get it son!" He did not understand me.

Stopped 4 a Thai massage on the way home and dude was so deep widdit I actually let out an audible "Get it son!"

He did not understand me.-- Retta

She's self-aware.

I need to hurry up and become an American icon before Kenan Thompson leaves SNL.

I need to hurry up and become an American icon before Kenan Thompson leaves SNL.-- Retta

She's honest.

Who else upon hearing mention of kegels in a film immediately begins kegeling? #Guilty #KeepItTightKeepItRight

Who else upon hearing mention of kegels in a film immediately begins kegeling?

#Guilty #KeepItTightKeepItRight-- Retta

Like, REALLY honest.

You know it’s freezing when your nips hurt. I could cut glass with these things.

You know it’s freezing when your nips hurt. I could cut glass with these things.-- Retta

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Derek says he wants something raw and OF COURSE Karen thinks to call Too Angry 4 Life Frick & Dead Arms Frack. #PuhLease #SMASH

Derek says he wants something raw and OF COURSE Karen thinks to call Too Angry 4 Life Frick & Dead Arms Frack.

#PuhLease

#SMASH-- Retta

I saw Gypsy at a community theater in Temecula and it had more sex appeal than this number. This 2-step is NOT arousing. #SMASH

I saw Gypsy at a community theater in Temecula and it had more sex appeal than this number. This 2-step is NOT arousing.

#SMASH-- Retta

Um, when did they rehearse ANY of this???? #TheVampireDiaries is more believable than this episode of #SMASH.

Um, when did they rehearse ANY of this????

#TheVampireDiaries is more believable than this episode of #SMASH.-- Retta

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Omigod sex in a graveyard w/a 19 year-old wearing denim shorts is 2 of my sex nightmares rolled into 1!! #GIRLS

Omigod sex in a graveyard w/a 19 year-old wearing denim shorts is 2 of my sex nightmares rolled into 1!!

#GIRLS-- Retta

How MANY times am I gonna have to see Hannah pee in this episode? #GIRLS

How MANY times am I gonna have to see Hannah pee in this episode?

#GIRLS-- Retta

If Jessa was my friend (she’d never be) & left me at her dad’s raggedy ass crib after shaming me into eating bunny meat, I’d cut her. #GIRLS

If Jessa was my friend (she’d never be) & left me at her dad’s raggedy ass crib after shaming me into eating bunny meat, I’d cut her.

#GIRLS-- Retta

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Mellie ain’t slick. Her scheming is going to come back and bite her in her conniving ass. #SCANDAL

Mellie ain’t slick. Her scheming is going to come back and bite her in her conniving ass.

#SCANDAL-- Retta

Careful Fitz. U gon’ burn a hole through Liv’s dress if u keep staring like that. Or is that what you’re hoping? Too late sucka. #SCANDAL

Careful Fitz. U gon’ burn a hole through Liv’s dress if u keep staring like that. Or is that what you’re hoping? Too late sucka.

#SCANDAL-- Retta

Ima need Huck to shower. #SCANDAL

Ima need Huck to shower.

#SCANDAL-- Retta

I feel like one-eye coulda done a better job with that eye patch. #Lazy #TheWalkingDead

I feel like one-eye coulda done a better job with that eye patch.

#Lazy

#TheWalkingDead-- Retta

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Why Rick so stubborn? Y’all gon need some back up son + all the other black folk on the show are dead. Help a bruthuh out. #MoNegroesPlease

Why Rick so stubborn? Y’all gon need some back up son + all the other black folk on the show are dead. Help a bruthuh out.

#MoNegroesPlease-- Retta

Just b/c it’s end of days don’t mean we should be racially insensitive. #KoreanNotChinese #TheWalkingDead

Just b/c it’s end of days don’t mean we should be racially insensitive.

#KoreanNotChinese

#TheWalkingDead-- Retta

Aw shit! Mr. Bates lookin’ dapper like a muhfuhkuh. #SayWord #DowntonAbbey

Aw shit! Mr. Bates lookin’ dapper like a muhfuhkuh.

#SayWord

#DowntonAbbey-- Retta

LOLOLOLOL Omigod did the earl just say that the lads at Eton were ‘bout it, ‘bout it?!?!?! #OverHereRolling #ICant #DowntonAbbey

LOLOLOLOL

Omigod did the earl just say that the lads at Eton were ‘bout it, ‘bout it?!?!?!

#OverHereRolling #ICant

#DowntonAbbey-- Retta

If this fool doesn’t stop w/ this ridiculous dining room tutorial of cricket …someone’s gonna crack his “delicate but strong” ass. #Downton

If this fool doesn’t stop w/ this ridiculous dining room tutorial of cricket …someone’s gonna crack his “delicate but strong” ass.

#Downton-- Retta

“What’s Aramaic?” Oh Jeremy. If y’all went to as many classes as ya do dances you’d know the answer to that. #TheVampireDiaries

“What’s Aramaic?”

Oh Jeremy. If y’all went to as many classes as ya do dances you’d know the answer to that.

#TheVampireDiaries-- Retta

Wow this dude’s got ALL KINDS of gadgets. He’s the Bruce Wayne of vamp hunters. #TheVampireDiaries

Wow this dude’s got ALL KINDS of gadgets. He’s the Bruce Wayne of vamp hunters.

#TheVampireDiaries-- Retta

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU??????? Did this bitch just- I’m at a loss, I can’t even, was he wearing, WHAAAAAT?!?! #TheVampireDiaries

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU???????

Did this bitch just-

I’m at a loss, I can’t even, was he wearing, WHAAAAAT?!?!

#TheVampireDiaries-- Retta

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