back to top

Zach Galifianakis And Kristen Wiig's Real-Life Legal Advice Is All You'll Ever Need

"You're allowed to defecate on someone else's lawn if their dog has done it to yours."

Posted on

When it comes to legal issues, Zach Galifianakis And Kristen Wiig have ALL the answers. The stars of Masterminds sat down with BuzzFeed to answer some real-life law questions and, ehh, talk about poop. But seriously, they REALLY like talking about poop.

View this video on YouTube

What's the best way to get out of a parking ticket? — Jordan, 25


Kristen Wiig: Put it on someone else's windshield because they'll pay it — they won't look at the number. They'll just pay it and think they got it.

Zach Galifianakis: I know that sounded like a joke, but that is a great idea. Have you done that before?

KW: No!

My neighbor's dog keeps going to the bathroom on my lawn and I want to take legal action. Any advice? — Karen, 38


KW: Do scarecrows work for dogs?

ZG: They work for dogs, but not for dog crap. If they have a dog, I think you want to do Martial Law quid pro quo with that one, or do it themselves to the neighbor.

KW: You mean...

ZG: Defecate. I'm following the law — that's not advice. That's the California law. I don't know what state you're talking about, but that's California law. You're allowed to defecate on someone else's lawn if their dog has done it to yours.

KW: It makes sense.

ZG: Verbatim, quoting it.


I invented something and someone else copied it. Legally, what are my options? — Steven, 31


ZG: I had the same problem when I came up with the DivaCup. Do you know what that is?

KW: No! Is it for like, does it go in you?

ZG: Not me, but yes.

I used a brand of shampoo and now my hair is falling out. Should I get a lawyer? — Mariella, 34


ZG: Well you can't blame it on the shampoo — it can be a lot of things! It can be stress, it can be...

KW: Someone could have tampered with your shampoo. Do you have a pesky little sister?

I started talking to a girl on Tinder, but it ended up being a 50-year-old man. Can I take legal action? — Nathan, 23


KW: I don't think you can take legal action, I think maybe you just have to...uhh. Can we go back to the defecating? Find out where [he] lives? Make a sign with like, a toothpick in it and put it in the feces that says, "Get off Tinder, you fake."

ZG: That seems about right. That's what I was gonna say.