• St. Patrick's Day badge

To Everyone Who Pinches People On St. Patrick's Day

Don't touch me.

So, it's St. Patrick's day. You're living your life, enjoying your day, when you realize that you forgot to wear green.

It all would have been fine except that some asshole decides to pinch you.

Yeah, that's right. Someone decided that it was so unacceptable that you neglected to wear green on this **holiday, that they not only point it out to you, but they PINCH YOU.

At first you're like, "Wait, did you just pinch me?"

And then you realize, yes, they just pinched you. Reached their grimy hand out, and PINCHED your skin.

Hey pinchers, we've had enough.

Dear Everyone Who Pinches People Who Aren't Wearing Green,

What the hell is wrong with you? Did you ever think that maybe I don't own green? Did you ever consider that maybe I'm not Irish and don't even celebrate this day? DID IT OCCUR TO YOU THAT MAYBE GREEN DOES NOT LOOK GOOD WITH MY SKIN TONE??? Did you ever think, "hey maybe I won't touch someone without first getting their permission?"

I hope you have learned your lesson. And the next time you consider pinching someone, consider this; payback is a bitch.