Hi world or whatever, Lara and Pablo here and we've uh...been on a few dating apps in our time. During our time on those dating apps, we've experienced a lot of conversations. Some good, some bad, and now we're reliving all of them to create content for you!
We say a lot of shit we don't mean while texting, but especially while texting on dating apps. So please enjoy these 27 things we all say on dating apps...and what we actually mean.
1. How was your day been so far?
There's a 99.9% chance you'll just say "good, u?" anyway so I'm not sure why I'm asking, I just don't know what else to say right now.
2. Sounds fun!
That actually sounds like my nightmare but I'm going to pretend it isn't so I don't scare you off with all the things that I hate. Believe me, there's a lot of em.
3. Your job sounds cool.
Sounds fake, but OK.
4. Haha funny bio!
PLEASE tell me your bio is a joke, otherwise FML.
I didn't even crack a smile but I'm acknowledging your joke because I'm terribly awkward and had nothing else to say, but your pictures are cute and I kinda still wanna makeout so here's my minimal effort.
You almost got a chuckle out of me, but I'm leaving one "a" off because I don't want you to think I'm cackling dramatically over here. You're funny but you're not THAT funny.
7. Hi there
I said this to about 15 other people today because I’m not even remotely invested in this conversation, but I will be happy if it actually goes somewhere for once.
The more "y's" you see, the hornier I am.
9. cute pic
If you're not a psycho, let's put our faces together.
10. I like *insert random profile bio thing here* too.
I vaguely enjoy the TV show you mentioned on your profile, like I've seen maybe one episode, but I'm trying to develop a meaningful connection here by pretending I have normal interests and hobbies. Work with me.
11. what's up
I have no idea what to say but I hope you do 'cause I'm just here laying on my couch eating a family-sized bag of Cheetos and watching a TV episode I've already seen 13 times. Entertain me.
12. heyyy :)
I think you're really hot and I've already accepted the fact that you won't even respond to this message. I just hope the smiley convinces you otherwise. Please respond. :)
13. What's your last name lol
Bitch, I need to see your tagged photos on Instagram ASAP.
14. So what do you do?
Please tell me you have a job. Or are like, thinking about getting one. Or had a dream about having one once. Or have a friend with one. Anything.
15. what are u up to tonight?
This is 100% a booty call. Like, you could be cool, but at this point I honestly don't even care. Let's do this.
16. What's your Insta?
I still can't tell if you're cute or not so I'm gonna need more hard evidence. Also, I'm checking to see if you've got a serial killer vibe or an S.O. you're hiding. Also need to know what kind of meme accounts you follow if we're being honest.
17. Who's with you in your profile photo?
Are you currently fucking or have you fucked that person?
I don't want to discuss said thing further, but I'm letting you know that I read what you said because I feel bad straight up ghosting you.
I'm trying to be nice, but this conversation is dead.
20. Just text me
I think I see potential in you, but rest assured I am absolutely not going to save your number in my phone and will have to rely on context clues from here on out anytime you text me.
21. What's your living situation?
If I come over for a booty call, am I gonna have to meet your entire family?
22. Are you surviving *insert random weather situation here*?
I am so exhausted by dating apps and trying to think of a conversation starter that I am literally talking about the weather and I don't even expect you to respond at this point but this is where we're at. I'm sorry.
23. Should we get married now or later?
I'm attracted to the five photos you have, you don't have any insane things on your profile thus far, and the bar on dating apps is so low that I might actually consider marrying you at this point.
24. What do you mean?
You just said something that could be a huge red flag, but I genuinely can't tell over text and I need you to clarify so I know if I should get a drink with you or block you forever.
25. *insert literally any emoji here*
I don't even know what emoji I sent or what it means. Nothing means anything anymore. I'm exhausted. If you're cool, let's make out. If you're not, please just ghost me.
26. I hate this app lol
I actually love being on this app, it gives me a sense of fulfillment that I crave in my life and can't find elsewhere but I don't want you to know that so let's just both pretend we hate being here even though we've been here for months by choice.
27. I'm new to this app
I've been on this app for months now but I feel insecure about it so I am pretending I just downloaded it.