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Updated on Sep 1, 2020. Posted on Sep 23, 2015

22 Stupidly Wonderful Halloween Costumes You Can Actually Buy

Sexy pizza, anyone?

by ,

1. Sesame Street Elmo Skin Suit Adult Costume, $44.98

Via spirithalloween.com

Kristin: American Horror Story: Elmo

Leo: DAMMIT YOU STOLE MY JOKE.

2. Donald T. Rumpshaker, $69.95

Via yandy.com

Leo: Do you think Donald sees this and gets turned on by it?

Kristin: Do you think he's already copyrighted the phrase "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" and that's why this costume had to settle for just "Making America Great"?

Leo: Donald owns all that the eye can see, so yes.

Leo: ♬ Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sexame Street. ♬

Kristin: THIS IS RIDICULOUS, the real Bert and Ernie don't wear overalls.

4. Blimp Purple Inflatable Adult Costume, $39.99

Via spirithalloween.com

Leo: I think we should pitch a Japanese game show based on this costume if it does not already exist.

Kristin: What is this costume even of? Are you going as "guy trapped forever with his own farts?" A generic parade float? A somewhat violent pillow?

5. Daddy's Girl Cheerleader Costume, $89

Via forplaycatalog.com

Kristin: The issue I have here is that the uniform on its own implies that she goes to Daddy High School, or Daddy University, or her school's mascot is the "Daddy." All of these options make more sense than the actual intent of the costume.

Leo: "Rah rah, gooooooooooo Daddy!"

6. Sexy Lobster Costume, $64.95

Via yandy.com

Leo: Your pickup line for the evening could definitely be, "Hey baby, I'll make your soft shell hard."

Kristin: Yeah, I don't know about wearing anything on Halloween that makes it hard to successfully hold a drink.

Leo: PS: Would wear those mittens in cold weather.

7. Sexy Pizza Costume, $69.95

Via yandy.com

Kristin: This is redundant. All pizza is sexy pizza.

Leo: I don't think we should discriminate against other foods too much, but I agree. Also, I like that the crust is a fashion-y collar. Nice touch.

8. White Rave Monster Costume Set, $64.95 (Suspender Skirt and Tube Top) + $58.95 (Light-Up Hood) + $58.95 (Shrug)

Via yandy.com

Kristin: DJ 101 DALMATIONS IS IN THE HOOOOOUUUUSE.

Leo: How many Furbies were harmed in the making of this costume? PETA wants to know.

Kristin: DJ FURBY MURDER IS IN THE HOUUUUUSSSEEE.

9. Tinkerbelly Costume, $52.98

Via orientaltrading.com

Kristin: Why would anyone want to be pregnant Tinkerbell for Halloween?

Leo: I thought fairies conceived by sprinkling magical dust on a peapod.

Kristin: Also, I resent the implication that Tinkerbell wouldn't able to magic up any cute maternity wear.

10. Sexy DJ Costume, $78.95

Via yandy.com

Kristin: DJ "I BROUGHT A FULLY LOADED LUXURY CAMPER TO BURNING MAN" IS IN THE HOUUUSSSEEEE.

Leo: Why is her iPhone playing static?

11. Sexy Corn Costume, $59.95

Via yandy.com

Leo: After I found out how many diapers are made from corn, I crossed corn off the sexy vegetable list.

Kristin: I disagree; corn is naturally ribbed for our pleasure.

12. Realistic '70s Hairy Chest Top Costume, $14.39

Via anytimecostumes.com

Leo: What happens when you go into one of those stores that say "No shirt, no service"?

Kristin: I'd like to note that the shirt is sold separate from everything else here, so you're basically just going as "guy who can grow chest hair."

13. Office Flirt Lingerie Costume, $23.95

yandy.com

Kristin: I too am always pulling Post-It Notes out of weird places, so sexy secretary and I have this is common. Also, the Post-Its VELCRO on.

Leo: They Velcro on...TO YOUR NIPPLES?

Kristin: I'd like to note that Leo shouted that, in the office.

14. Men's Bacon Suit, $49.99

Via buycostumes.com

Kristin: It's very difficult to find a good men's bacon suit. Buycostumes.com... for the gentleman who wants only the very finest in bacon suits.

Leo: But what is he supposed to be? Bacon? Or a man in a suit supposedly constructed from bacon? If it is the latter, that is not a Halloween costume. That is just a style choice few can respect.

15. "What Is the Color?" Dress Costume, $46.95

Via yandy.com

Leo: Remember when I said The Dress would be a good costume, and my suggestion was just to change every five minutes?

Kristin: Yeah, this is a better solution than that.

16. YouBoob Women's Adult Costume, $9.97

Via buycostumes.com

Kristin: CLASSIC YouBoob.

Leo: I should find out if that is a real porn site.

Kristin: Cool, so that'll be in your work computer search history, then.

Leo: People deserve to know what YouBoob actually is. Also, only four and a half stars?

Kristin: That's pretty high for YouBoob.

Leo: OK NEVER GO TO YOUBOOB.COM EVER. EVER.

17. Double Occupancy, $68.99

Via buycostumes.com

Kristin: This costume is just "I am having sex." Like, for Halloween, you are literally going as "a guy who has had sex at least once."

Leo: Where is her other arm?!

18. Big Brown Beaver Costume, $19.95

Via yandy.com

Leo: FART FLAP.

Kristin: "I'm going as a person who will be insanely uncomfortable regardless of the temperature of where I am!"

Leo: Also, who decided to call vaginas "beavers"? There are other woodland animals that are furry. Squirrels. Ferrets.

19. "Down for the Count" Costume, $58.49

Via anytimecostumes.com

Kristin: This costume is like a FASTPASS for the "Nothing Will Happen to My Penis Tonight" ride.

Leo: ::In The Count's voice:: One rejection from a lady! Ah ah ah! Two rejections! Ah ah ah ah. Three! THREE rejections ah ah ah ah!

20. Snake Charmer Costume, $49.45

Via anytimecostumes.com

Leo: I'm going to go ahead and say that the person wearing this costume is probably not marriage material.

Kristin: I think I'm going to wear this to a bunch of parties so that no one invites me to any of their weddings next year.

21. Touchdown Women's Dress Costume, $9.97

Via buycostumes.com

Kristin: Why are both of these football teams named the "Touchdowns"? Or is this costume actually just a subtle attempt to mansplain football to women?

Leo: You, recapping your Halloween to your friends: "Oh, what did I go as? Sexy football field."

22. Adult Gorilla Shirt, $49.99

Via buycostumes.com

Kristin: "Just the gorilla shirt for me, please! Gotta stay on a budget!"

Leo: This gorilla has evolved to wearing dad jeans.

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