Hey, you. It's me again. The one bringing you the mildly horrifying – OK, extremely horrifying – childbirth stories from the BuzzFeed Community. Lucky for you, we've got some more gems. Enjoy!
1. "Being in labor with my second daughter felt like a fire goblin was trying to crawl out of my asshole."
2. "You know when your lips are really chapped in the corners and then you eat salty chips and you feel like your mouth is going to rip open? It's that but then add on someone pulling your lips as wide open as humanly possible until your mouth looks like The Joker."
3. "I had back labor because of how my son was positioned. (Back labor means you have all the pain in your back as opposed to the stomach.) Legitimately, no lie or exaggeration, it felt like someone was hitting me across the back with a baseball bat."
4. "It felt like my insides were being pulled out slowly and forcefully, over and over, and then once they were out, someone decided to reattach them to my body and do it again, but twist them and stomp on them this time."
5. "It felt like the burning feeling when you have sex for the first time, plus terrible constipation, plus having a pineapple stuck up there, plus the worst period cramps ever."
6. "It felt like vomiting a bowling ball out of my asshole."
7. "It felt like someone shoved their hands, praying position, inside me up to their elbows. Then, they constantly tried to pull their hands/arms away from each other while occasionally gripping and squeezing my intestines."
8. "Imagine someone telling you that you have to turn your entire body inside out from your vagina – that's childbirth."
9. "Ever emptied a can of refried beans and heard that vacuum suck sound? It sounded like that and felt like what that sounds like."
10. "Childbirth is the worst menstrual cramp you have ever had times a thousand."
11. "I had back labor and it feels like someone is trying to rip your spine out of you."
12. "It felt like a fiery cannonball shooting through my pelvis, back and forth without stopping."
13. "Imagine having the worst food poisoning of your life, but instead of diarrhea, you have to poop out an eight-pound butternut squash."
14. "It felt like giant hands slowly separating my bones and then it felt like my anus was set on fire."
15. "It's as if someone took locking pliers to your pelvis and tightened them until all your bones broke and your body ripped in half. Then, someone came in and shot you in the spine and gutted you."
16. "Labor felt like a Charlie-horse cramp in every muscle from my shoulders to my knees."
17. "I felt everything in my legs and I felt nothing in my stomach. The contractions were in my lower back and thighs. I felt my daughter's shoulders and head pop out of me."
18. "Imagine your stomach trying to harden until it becomes a rock, but then giving up. This repeats over and over again every 3-5 minutes for 48+ hours."
19. "It felt like I was pushing my butthole out of my body."
20. "Have you ever been in a car and felt like you had to poop immediately, but you can’t stop, so you just feel really uncomfortable and there's a lot of pressure? It felt like that...but times two thousand."
And we'll leave you, not with pain...but with a full-on visual:
21. "This really happened: Ten seconds after my son was born, my placenta shot out, hit my OBGYN in the face, bounced off him, landed on the wall, and slid down to the floor."
Anyone feel like getting pregnant now?!
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.