1. "My 4-year-old was standing near my fully clothed husband and said, 'Daddy has a cute little fella… and it’s his penis.'”
2. "The cashier at a grocery store was telling my daughter how cute and well behaved she was. My daughter responded, 'Mommy said we can’t talk to people with bad eyebrows.'"
3. "My 3-year-old refuses to wear underwear at night because 'not wearing panties makes it easier to fart all night.'"
4. "Today my 4-year-old called her stuffed giraffe a 'cute little bitch.'"
5. "My 3-year-old daughter said, 'Mommy, I need some cock ’n' balls.'”
6. "When I was a kid, I dressed up as Flower from Bambi for Halloween and a woman asked what I was supposed to be. Apparently I couldn’t say 'skunk' quite right and proudly told her I was a 'cunt.'”
7. "At the grocery store, my 5-year-old son wouldn’t quit grabbing the front of his shorts and when I told him to stop, he replied matter-of-factly, 'It’s not my penis, Mommy, it’s a kitty cat.'"
8. "After checking out at the grocery store, my 3-year-old turned around to the man behind us and said, 'I’m gonna kick your ass, sir.'”
9. "While the cashier was ringing up my feminine products at Target, my 5-year-old loudly proclaimed, 'Ugh! I hate when you’re on your period and have to stick tampons up your butt!'”
10. "When my kid was 10, he told a teacher at church to 'go die in a hole' after she got him out in dodgeball."
11. "My 3-year-old asked me VERY loudly while we were shopping, 'Mommy, are you going to steal something?'”
12. "My niece asked, 'Grandma, my other grandma is dead isn’t she?' My mom/her grandma said, 'Yes, honey…but...' My niece cut her off and said with a laugh, 'One down, one to go!'”
13. "When I was 3 or 4, I was with my family at a really nice restaurant. My grandma decided to have the fish, so I promptly yelled, 'Big mom-mom, last time you ate fish your butt exploded!'”
14. "I was picking my daughter up from a playdate at a friend's house. The mom and I were having a pleasant conversation until my 6-year-old daughter came up and proudly told her, 'My mommy and daddy really like to dance naked in their room.'”
15. "My 3-year-old son was pretending to be a bug earlier in the day, so he was wearing a pipe cleaner headband while we were at the grocery store. He said it made him look like a rhinoceros and ran up to a little old lady, pointed at his head and yelled, 'I’m horny!'”
16. "When we told my daughter about sex, she had a lot of questions and it came up that her daddy and I have sex. Her follow up question was, 'Ohh can I watch sometime?'”
17. "We often take our kids hunting with us, so they’ve seen the whole process of how we put food on our table. Last fall a relative unfortunately passed away and during the wake our 5-year-old stood up and loudly asked, 'When are they gonna take the guts out?'”
18. "Upon seeing the piglets at the zoo, my son said, 'Awwww. baby bacon!'”
19. "When I was little, I asked my mom for ice cream and when she said no, I said, 'Can’t I get no goddamn, motherfucking ice cream around here?!'”
20. "During dinner, my 3-year-old asked me, 'Can I see your uvula?'”
21. "While passing a gentleman with an eye patch, my toddler yelled, 'Arghh!'"
Some submissions have been edited for length and clarity.