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Parents

21 Kids Who Had No Fucks To Give

We're not offended.

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We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the funniest uncensored thing their kid has ever said. And they did not disappoint. Enjoy..

1. "My 4-year-old was standing near my fully clothed husband and said, 'Daddy has a cute little fella… and it’s his penis.'”

—bexontime2

2. "The cashier at a grocery store was telling my daughter how cute and well behaved she was. My daughter responded, 'Mommy said we can’t talk to people with bad eyebrows.'"

Paramount

3. "My 3-year-old refuses to wear underwear at night because 'not wearing panties makes it easier to fart all night.'"

Fox

Duh.

—Bottoms, Facebook

4. "Today my 4-year-old called her stuffed giraffe a 'cute little bitch.'"

Universal

5. "My 3-year-old daughter said, 'Mommy, I need some cock ’n' balls.'”

"After a lifetime of stunned silence, I finally asked, 'What…do you mean?' She looked at me like I was the asshole in the situation and said, 'COCK’N BALLS. You know, those white balls you put in your ears?'”—andreak492692f45
pl0yita / Via instagram.com

"After a lifetime of stunned silence, I finally asked, 'What…do you mean?' She looked at me like I was the asshole in the situation and said, 'COCK’N BALLS. You know, those white balls you put in your ears?'”

andreak492692f45

6. "When I was a kid, I dressed up as Flower from Bambi for Halloween and a woman asked what I was supposed to be. Apparently I couldn’t say 'skunk' quite right and proudly told her I was a 'cunt.'”

Disney

7. "At the grocery store, my 5-year-old son wouldn’t quit grabbing the front of his shorts and when I told him to stop, he replied matter-of-factly, 'It’s not my penis, Mommy, it’s a kitty cat.'"

“He then let out a quiet, but distinct 'MEEEOW!' before stretching out the waistband of his shorts, looking down at his crotch, and saying, ‘Shh! Be quiet!’”—kariannh4477db195
YouTube

“He then let out a quiet, but distinct 'MEEEOW!' before stretching out the waistband of his shorts, looking down at his crotch, and saying, ‘Shh! Be quiet!’”

kariannh4477db195

8. "After checking out at the grocery store, my 3-year-old turned around to the man behind us and said, 'I’m gonna kick your ass, sir.'”

9. "While the cashier was ringing up my feminine products at Target, my 5-year-old loudly proclaimed, 'Ugh! I hate when you’re on your period and have to stick tampons up your butt!'”

YouTube

10. "When my kid was 10, he told a teacher at church to 'go die in a hole' after she got him out in dodgeball."

Universal

skailyr

11. "My 3-year-old asked me VERY loudly while we were shopping, 'Mommy, are you going to steal something?'”

12. "My niece asked, 'Grandma, my other grandma is dead isn’t she?' My mom/her grandma said, 'Yes, honey…but...' My niece cut her off and said with a laugh, 'One down, one to go!'”

13. "When I was 3 or 4, I was with my family at a really nice restaurant. My grandma decided to have the fish, so I promptly yelled, 'Big mom-mom, last time you ate fish your butt exploded!'”

Warner Bros.

14. "I was picking my daughter up from a playdate at a friend's house. The mom and I were having a pleasant conversation until my 6-year-old daughter came up and proudly told her, 'My mommy and daddy really like to dance naked in their room.'”

ABC

15. "My 3-year-old son was pretending to be a bug earlier in the day, so he was wearing a pipe cleaner headband while we were at the grocery store. He said it made him look like a rhinoceros and ran up to a little old lady, pointed at his head and yelled, 'I’m horny!'”

Warner Bros.

tanisf3

16. "When we told my daughter about sex, she had a lot of questions and it came up that her daddy and I have sex. Her follow up question was, 'Ohh can I watch sometime?'”

—islanderlife

17. "We often take our kids hunting with us, so they’ve seen the whole process of how we put food on our table. Last fall a relative unfortunately passed away and during the wake our 5-year-old stood up and loudly asked, 'When are they gonna take the guts out?'”

Nickelodeon

18. "Upon seeing the piglets at the zoo, my son said, 'Awwww. baby bacon!'”

—juliar4dc276454
imgflip.com / Via juliar4dc276454

19. "When I was little, I asked my mom for ice cream and when she said no, I said, 'Can’t I get no goddamn, motherfucking ice cream around here?!'”

Paramount

20. "During dinner, my 3-year-old asked me, 'Can I see your uvula?'”

Dreamworks

dainap3

21. "While passing a gentleman with an eye patch, my toddler yelled, 'Arghh!'"

Dreamworks

Some submissions have been edited for length and clarity.

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