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1. A set of multicolor pens to color-code your notes like a pro. Plus, the set is big enough that you can share with coworkers and score BONUS bonus points at work.
2. A veggie spiralizer for cooking up a meal that scores an A++ in nutritiousness and deliciousness (just ask the over 2,000 people who left positive reviews).
3. Or Barilla ProteinPlus multigrain pasta, which is made with lentils, barley, oats, egg whites, and chickpeas so you can get all the goodness of regular pasta with the added bonus of more fiber and protein.
4. A waterproof, 13-pocket purse organizer to show the world that you've got this whole organization thing in the bag (literally).
5. Unf*ck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life, a guide to becoming an even better version of yourself by saying "so long" to the negative thoughts that are holding you back.
6. A stainless steel monkey-shaped multitool you can whip out in any sort of minor emergency and dazzle your friends. "Me, a hero? I just did what any well-prepared person would do." Bonus BONUS points for the fact that this super helpful device is also adorable.
7. Or if you really just need a bottle opener, a crafty ring that combines fashion and function in the most genius of ways.
8. Dr. Bronner's liquid soap, which can basically wash anything it's possible to wash — from your hair and skin to your home surfaces and clothes — to effortlessly achieve a level of cleanliness even Mr. Clean himself would award an A+.
9. A bottle of Poo-Pourri travel spray to make people say, "Wow, they're so perfect, their shit doesn't even stink."
10. A truly amazing stain- and wrinkle-resistant button-down shirt so you can look polished and profesh and still eat or drink whatever you want without fear of ruining your look.
11. A bright expanding file folder to earn you points for presentation. Because frankly, it doesn't matter how good that report is if you turn it in as a crumpled mess.
12. An exercise peddler that pretty much provides the life hack you've been searching for your entire life: how to sit on your couch and and be active at the same damn time.
13. The Healthy Meal Prep Cookbook, because if you can master eating nutritious noms and always having a meal ready to go, you basically deserve a gold medal in adulting.
14. And a set of microwave-, dishwasher-, and freezer-safe three-compartment containers perfect for storing your pre-made meals (or even just making your lunch look a bit more luxe).
15. A three-in-one portable razor featuring two blades, a shave balm stick, and a spray bottle that goes above and beyond the functions of a basic travel razor.
16. Some honest-to-goodness grown-up PJs to set you apart from the basic people who still sleep in an old T-shirt and boxer shorts.
17. A countertop herb garden that'll give you all the satisfaction of saying you grew your ingredients yourself without all the work. This baby basically takes care of everything, with everything from indicator lights to let you know when the plants need food and water to LED grow lights that turn on and off automatically. No green thumb required.
18. A productivity-boosting planner to help you break down your goals by days, weeks, and months and totally take your life to the next level.
19. A collapsible drawer organizer set, because whenever I see someone whose underwear or sock drawer isn't a jumbled mess, I automatically assume they know all the magical secrets of the universe.
20. Wonderfully whimsical statement earrings capable of bringing some sunshine to any outfit — and making that perfectly passable LBD you've worn a zillion times look brand new.
21. A set of eyeliner stamps that'll allow you to achieve the impossible. Yes, I'm talking about showing up with a perfect cat eye and being on time.
22. An in-depth (and majorly on sale) online photography class so you can rise above the common folk who let portrait mode do all the work for them.
23. A stunning lace romper to give you the best of both worlds and prove that yes, you deserve the limo out front. Pair it with the hottest styles, every shoe, every color.
24. A turntable speaker that can do it all: play records, serve as a Bluetooth speaker, and convert your beloved vinyl into MP3 files. In other words, it sets the record for coolest music gadget ever.
25. A peel-off nail polish barrier to get a manicure so flawless, no one will believe you did it yourself. Are you sure you didn't go to beauty school?
26. A flower delivery subscription, because nothing says, "I'm an adult who has their stuff together" like a perfect floral arrangement (bonus points for never having to schlep to the florist).
27. An adorable reversible swimsuit featuring two 100% awesome prints for a look that's 200% fabulous (that's how math works, right?).
28. A mod corner shelving unit so you display tons of knickknacks in a Pinterest-worthy way, while still taking up very little space.
29. And an iPhone-charging bracelet that truly puts the extra in extra credit.
Your friends, your family, your boss, your coworkers, and strangers on the street when they see how good you've become at life:
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