It's mid-September, which means that it's practically Halloween, which means Christmas is nearly here, which means it's time to talk about The Holiday.
In case you are somehow unaware, The Holiday is a delightful-yet-fairly-typical Nancy Meyers movie: Two very pretty white women (played by Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet) from opposite sides of the world decide to swap their charming, picturesque houses over the Christmas holiday (hence the title).
During their respective vacations, each women befriends and ultimately falls for a charming guy: Cameron Diaz falls for Jude Law while in England, and Kate Winslet falls for Jack Black while in Los Angeles.
(Yes, I'm aware all of their characters have names, but let's face it: I'm just going to be referring to them by their actor names.)
And despite all their different backgrounds and experiences and living situations, all four of them come together at the end to celebrate New Year's in England.
A happy ending, right? WRONG. Because despite what the movie wants you to think, these relationships are all DOOMED.
The movie tricked you with sparkly dresses, twinkly lights, and unrealistically large kitchens.
Let's start with Cameron Diaz. Sure, she and Jude Law are in love and she extends her time in England, but she can't move her business there!
Jude Law can't move to America, either! He has two young daughters. He's not going move them away from their schools, friends, and their memories of their dead mother just so he can date a woman he's known for, like, a week.
Sure, they can try long-distance for a while, but with so many factors involved and no set end-date in sight, they're almost certainly going to break up eventually. (Sorry.)
Now, Kate Winslet is slightly more able to move from England to LA to be with Jack Black, especially once she finally gives the ol' heave-ho to her craptastic on-and-off boyfriend, Jasper.
But she'd be leaving behind her job, her brother, and her two nieces. And uprooting her entire life for a man goes against her entire story arc, which is realizing her own self-worth and independence.
Jack Black is a film composer, which he could conceivably still do if he moved to England with Kate, but once again, THEY'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER A WEEK. Don't move to England for someone you've known for a week.
Kate and Jack have a slightly better chance of making it work, but in all likelihood, they're gonna fizzle out just like Cameron and Jude will. ALL OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS ARE GONNA FAIL.
And don't even get me started on how difficult it is to move to another country when you're not a citizen! HEY, NANCY MEYERS — VISAS ARE HARD TO GET.
(Though as rich white people, these characters will definitely have an easier time than most.)
In conclusion, I take this movie too seriously and probably need to lighten up a little.
But, more importantly, the ending to The Holiday makes me furious, and I have been personally victimized by Nancy Meyers.
