1. This disturbing observation:
Why the hell do you also have teeth
2. This depressing prediction for the future:
Twenty years from now, kids listening to "Baby it's cold outside" are gonna find it really, really weird. We're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood in the context of its time. You see, it used to get cold outside.
3. This realization that makes me feel a million years old:
The first 'Simpsons' episode to take place in the future was set in 2010. Have a good night.
4. This holiday classic:
RT if you get this. Don’t explain it to anyone, just RT it.
5. This tweet that is SO TRUE:
Chipotle definitely tastes better with a plastic fork then a metal fork. Don’t @ me
6. This cover letter:
A cover letter we received for the @today_explained internship
7. The fact that Wile E. Coyote is the most relatable Looney Tunes character:
No Looney Tunes character stands the test of time better than Wile E. Coyote: a self-defeating dipshit who can't stop ordering packages from a shitty, indifferent corporation
8. This description of Gossip Girl:
Netflix: “let’s get someone who fuckin hates Gossip Girl to write the description of Gossip Girl”
9. This hot take:
10. This celebrity encounter:
About 5 years ago I worked in a restaurant and Ludacris came in, ordered spring rolls, and sent them back. When I apologized he said “don’t apologize, spring rolls are unpredictable.” I think about this at least once a week.
11. This instructional video:
Step-by-step how to do the “official” dance for Tainted Love by Soft Cell
12. This shockingly useful receipt:
One of my blinds broke in my bedroom so I just went to CVS
13. This gorgeous cityscape:
Y’all gotta go visit New York. I promise you won’t regret the view
14. NASA being adorably naive:
*looks to camera*
15. This seemingly universal experience:
why did I ever let girls in layered hollister t-shirts and sparkly uggs bully me in middle school
16. This coughing cat:
this is how lil kids cough
17. This very good point:
She wears short skirts I wear t-shirts She’s cheer captain and Pop culture demonized the archetype of the pretty blond cheerleader to create a us vs them mentality and rivalry based on subjective comparisons in order to distract teen girls from realizing the true enemy, men
18. This musical door:
So I’ve just discovered my gate sounds like Jurassic Park.
19. This tweet that I'm having a hard time refuting:
Vicks VapoRub is just spicy Vaseline
20. This excellent new word that everyone needs to use:
One of my students has used the word "fucktangular" in an informal essay to describe a situation that was complicated and messy in multiple unpleasant and difficult ways. I am in the presence of greatness and I am stealing this word.
21. And this tweet showing JUST how long 2018 has been:
i swear 2018 was the longest year ever • black panther came out • people ate tide pods • no one knew what color that dress was • flappy bird got deleted from the app store • Y2K • richard nixon attempted to bug DNC headquarters at the watergate hotel & tried to cover it up