Corrected a friend’s grammarCorrected a stranger’s grammarMade fun of anyone for using the word “like” too muchGotten angry over someone using the word “octopi” because that’s the incorrect way of pluralizing “octopus”Said, "Frankenstein was the scientist who created him; you're thinking Frankenstein's MONSTER"Said, "Actually the term is FIFTH wheel, regardless of how many people are involved in the situation”Interrupted someone who was telling a joke so you could say the punchlineSaid, “You’ve already told me this” when someone starts telling you a storySaid, “I’ve already seen this” when someone starts showing you a funny videoCommented on a funny video of an animal to reveal that there’s actually a tragic medical reason the animal is acting that waySaid, "Oh, you wouldn’t know them" when someone asked about an obscure band you listen toSpoiled the latest episode of Game of Thrones for someone who was just about to watch itReminded people that most of the drama on reality shows is fake and manufacturedPointed out the scientific inaccuracies in Star WarsPointed out that Darth Vader never actually says “Luke, I am your father”Complained that the Fast & Furious movies are unrealistic, as if anyone watches those movies for realismTold someone who was excited to see a film that you’d already seen it and it wasn’t that goodTold a friend that the animals in all the old movies they love are probably dead nowEaten pizza with a knife and forkTold someone how many calories are in the food they’re eatingOrdered at a restaurant and asked for every single ingredient on the sideTold a waitress, “No, Pepsi is not OK”Insisted on not getting a table on the patio just in case it begins to rain laterGone to a foreign food restaurant and insisted on saying all the names of food with the authentic pronunciationRefused to eat anything with gluten in it even though you don’t have a gluten allergyRefused to eat from a food truck because there’s no air conditioning or tablesLectured about the nutritional benefits of kale every time you notice someone eating kaleUsed a calculator to split the bill with your dateForced someone to watch Requiem for a Dream on your first dateResponded to an emotionally charged text from a close friend to mock an autocorrect mistake in their messagePromised to feed your friends snacks if they helped you move but then gave them vegetables and dipAsked your friends to come up with plans because you’re so bored, but then shot down every single one of their suggestionsAnd then been furious if they ever try to make plans without youSaid, “Ugh, I hate summer, I can’t wait until autumn” on the first day of summerTold your friends exactly how many days there are until the new school year startsCalled the cops on a teen house party because it was so loud you couldn't listen to your favourite Morrissey albumReplied to someone wishing you a happy new year with “Whatever, it happens every year”Celebrated a birthday by reminding everyone that you’re one year closer to deathInsisted that there’s no point in engaging in any political election because we’re all going to die someday anywayAsked an unemployed person how the job search is goingAsked a just-married couple when they’re going to have childrenLectured a pregnant woman about overpopulationPosted a vague Facebook status about how nobody appreciates youPosted a vague Facebook status about how nobody appreciates you and when someone comments to ask you what’s wrong, you reply with “I don’t want to talk about it”Told a recent graduate that their chosen field of work is "very competitive" and they probably won’t succeedInsisted on calling the hockey team “The Toronto Maple Leaves” because the current name is grammatically problematicInsisted on getting to a concert the moment the doors open — not to get to the front of the stage, but so you can get a good seat because the music sounds just as good if everyone just sits quietlyRefused to dress up for a theme party and scoffed at anyone who didInterrupted a conversation to tell everyone all about the weird dream you had last nightBegun a sentence with, “Well, ACTUALLY...”
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