back to top

23 Tweets Guaranteed To Make Canadians Laugh Every Time

“3 out of the 5 Great Lakes are really just okay lakes."

Posted on

1. On Canada Post:

Ok, fair enough @canadapostcorp that’s a decent reason to not drop the package off at my door.

2. On time travel:

The dollar is worth 70 cents. Shania Twain is on tour. The Blue Jays are in first place. You damn millennials actually brought the 90s back.

Advertisement

3. On Canada Day:

I can't believe Drake discovered Canada almost 150 years ago.

4. On Halloween:

The only problem with Halloween in Canada is trying to fit a snowsuit underneath your costume.

5. On our national language:

I didn't realize "Canadian" was a language. Do they teach the "Eh, B, C's"? #EverySentenceEndsInHockey

6. On dating:

Toronto girls are the meanest. Sometimes I would rather get the fake number than a "get out of our washroom"

7. On seizing the moment:

I always wonder how many of the incidents we investigate started with someone yelling YOLO...

Advertisement

8. On #peegate:

Meanwhile in #Canada 🇨🇦 #peegate 😂

9. On the Great Lakes:

3 out of the 5 Great Lakes are really just okay lakes.

10. On expectations:

When I die, I want the #leafs to lower me into my grave, so that they can let me down, one more time.

11. On local news:

meanwhile, in Canada http://t.co/5w56cOCT5R

12. On construction:

Only in Montreal can u leave for 3 months and return with every construction cone in the exact same spot

Advertisement

13. On priorities:

14. On a certain former mayor of a certain major Canadian city:

You know what they say: Film me smoking crack once, shame on you; film me smoking crack twice, shame on PLEASE MAY I HAVE MORE CRACK

15. On said certain former mayor:

When your old high school buddy comes to visit you and your new friends at University.

16. On Russia's invasion of Ukraine:

Geography can be tough. Here’s a guide for Russian soldiers who keep getting lost & ‘accidentally’ entering #Ukraine

17. On our federal leaders:

"I have fought for Canada my whole life," says Mulcair. #macdebate

Advertisement

18. On Canadian cuisine:

Smoke's Poutine: "How do you like your poutine?" Me: "Now"

19. On Canadian Thanksgiving:

It's Canadian Thanksgiving, which is like American Thanksgiving but it's in a different country on a different day and we eat Pomeranians

20. On savvy shopping habits:

woman in front of me at newfoundland drug store trying to return nineteen cans of condensed milk purchased a year ago at another location

21. On word association:

BLUE JAYS -> BAUTISTA -> DRAX -> GUARDIAN -> NEWSPAPER -> CIRCULATION -> HEART -> BARRACUDA -> PALIN -> SNOWMOBILE -> KAWASAKI -> BLUE JAYS

22. On Canada's royal couple:

Avril Lavigne divorcing Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger. "I found out he was the frontman for Nickelback," said Lavigne.@absrdNEWS

23. On Drake:

Promoted

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

Dismiss