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23 Tweets Guaranteed To Make Canadians Laugh Every Time

“3 out of the 5 Great Lakes are really just okay lakes."

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1. On Canada Post:

Ok, fair enough @canadapostcorp that’s a decent reason to not drop the package off at my door.

2. On time travel:

The dollar is worth 70 cents. Shania Twain is on tour. The Blue Jays are in first place. You damn millennials actually brought the 90s back.

3. On Canada Day:

I can't believe Drake discovered Canada almost 150 years ago.

4. On Halloween:

The only problem with Halloween in Canada is trying to fit a snowsuit underneath your costume.

5. On our national language:

I didn't realize "Canadian" was a language. Do they teach the "Eh, B, C's"? #EverySentenceEndsInHockey

6. On dating:

Toronto girls are the meanest. Sometimes I would rather get the fake number than a "get out of our washroom"

7. On seizing the moment:

I always wonder how many of the incidents we investigate started with someone yelling YOLO...

8. On #peegate:

Meanwhile in #Canada 🇨🇦 #peegate 😂

9. On the Great Lakes:

3 out of the 5 Great Lakes are really just okay lakes.

10. On expectations:

When I die, I want the #leafs to lower me into my grave, so that they can let me down, one more time.

11. On local news:

meanwhile, in Canada http://t.co/5w56cOCT5R

12. On construction:

Only in Montreal can u leave for 3 months and return with every construction cone in the exact same spot

13. On priorities:

14. On a certain former mayor of a certain major Canadian city:

You know what they say: Film me smoking crack once, shame on you; film me smoking crack twice, shame on PLEASE MAY I HAVE MORE CRACK

15. On said certain former mayor:

When your old high school buddy comes to visit you and your new friends at University.

16. On Russia's invasion of Ukraine:

Geography can be tough. Here’s a guide for Russian soldiers who keep getting lost & ‘accidentally’ entering #Ukraine

17. On our federal leaders:

"I have fought for Canada my whole life," says Mulcair. #macdebate

18. On Canadian cuisine:

Smoke's Poutine: "How do you like your poutine?" Me: "Now"

19. On Canadian Thanksgiving:

It's Canadian Thanksgiving, which is like American Thanksgiving but it's in a different country on a different day and we eat Pomeranians

20. On savvy shopping habits:

woman in front of me at newfoundland drug store trying to return nineteen cans of condensed milk purchased a year ago at another location

21. On word association:

BLUE JAYS -> BAUTISTA -> DRAX -> GUARDIAN -> NEWSPAPER -> CIRCULATION -> HEART -> BARRACUDA -> PALIN -> SNOWMOBILE -> KAWASAKI -> BLUE JAYS

22. On Canada's royal couple:

Avril Lavigne divorcing Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger. "I found out he was the frontman for Nickelback," said Lavigne.@absrdNEWS

23. On Drake:

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

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