1. Peek at gifts before Christmas morning.
2. Be mean to bell ringers.
3. Try to open two presents on Christmas Eve.
4. Make everyone wait for you to get up in order to begin opening presents.
5. Make everyone eat breakfast before opening gifts.
6. Complain about the gift you just unwrapped.
Unless it's a "charitable gift" in your name. 'Cuz fuck that.
7. Give someone an unwrapped gift.
8. Trade gifts.
9. Give an obvious last-ditch gift.
10. Not keep track of who got you what.
11. Not clean up your wrapping paper.
12. Get too drunk too early.
13. Use the free day off to take your kid(s) to an inappropriate movie.
14. Be a mistletoe creep.
15. Leave Santa anything but milk and cookies.
16. Tell kids there is no such thing as Santa.
WHAT SORT OF MONSTER DOES THIS? He's real, kids! REAL!