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How Philadelphia Are You?

What's up, jawns?

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  1. phillypretzelfactory.blogspot.com
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    You know that "yo" is both a greeting of hello and a potential message to "step off."
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    You know what a "jawn" is.
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    You've described someone you've dated as a "jawn."
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    You've described yourself as a "jawn."
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    The phrase "ja-eet" makes perfect sense to you and you've used it in the past month.
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    Ditto "downtheshore."
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    You know summer officially starts when Rita's Water Ice opens.
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    You pronounce it "wooderice."
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    You know the only real pretzels are the ones from the place on 8th and Washington.
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    You know what a Mummer is.
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    You've been a Mummer.
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    You've made out with a Mummer in a stranger's living room on 2 Street.
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    You know that it's called 2 Street, not 2nd Street on New Year's Day.
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    And you've probably walked into a stranger's house to pee, or drink their beer, at least a couple of times during 2 Street celebrations.
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    You've done the Mummer's strut.
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    You know the difference between Fancies and Comics.
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    Sometimes you have a craving that only a butterscotch krimpet will satisfy.
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    You consider Hall & Oates a national treasure.
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    Ditto for Kenny Gamble.
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    You know somebody's aunt who once made out with Darryl Hall.
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    You still miss the Spectrum.
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    You remember going to shows at the Killtime and Stalag 13.
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    You remember going to shows at JC Dobbs.
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    You bragged to your friends about seeing ?uestlove at Black Lily.
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    You used to go-go dance at Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control.
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    You know real celebrities in Philly are people like the Philly Phanatic.
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    You've spent many hours of your life contemplating what the Phanatic actually is.
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    You understand why there needed to be an Eagles stadium jail.
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    You've actually spent some time in the Eagles stadium jail.
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    You got teary when Harry Kalas died.
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    And when we lost Gary Papa.
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    The KYW News typewriter background sound will always reminded you of snow days.
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    You spent some of your favorite snow days in city-wide snowball fights in Rittenhouse Park.
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    You once lived on or had a friend who lived the garden block in "The Sixth Sense."
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    Your apartment can be seen in the background of an M. Night Shyamalan movie.
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    You've seen "Trading Places" and "Mannequin" more times than you can count — just because they take place in Philly.
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    You've climbed the Philadelphia Art Museum "Rocky" steps.
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    You've laughed at tourists climbing the Philadelphia Art Museum "Rocky" steps.
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    You've often thought the Christopher Columbus monument at Penn's Landing looked super phallic.
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    You've gone to the LIberty Bell.
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    You've thought about visiting the Liberty Bell but, uh, never actually gotten around to it.
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    You know that neither Pats nor Geno's actually makes the best cheesesteak in the city.
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    And you know which one is the racist one.
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    You understand fall is signified by the return of the pumpkin pie Tastycake.
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    You know that the proper name for a large sandwich with meats and cheeses is a hoagie.
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    You believe that the best Wawa ad ever was the one with Ed Rendell eating a hoagie.
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    You have a fierce loyalty to your favorite hoagie place, and anyone who has a different favorite is a moron.
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    You know to ask for your cheesesteak "wiz wit."
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    You call 'em "jimmies" not "sprinkles."
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    You've booed a Philadelphia sports team that you allegedly support
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    But also beat up a fellow Philadelphia sports team supporter for booing your team.
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    You've rioted when a Philly sports team lost.
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    You've rioted when a Philly sports team won.
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    You've met Fergie and he still remembers your name.
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    You parkoured your way through a trip to the khyber restroom.
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    You remember Diplo when he was just one of the Hollertronix DJs.
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    You've been to the Ukie club.
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    And the Ruba (when you probably should have gone home).
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    You begged your mom to let you buy some purple manic panic from Zipperhead
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    You shouted "anarchy" at the Philly Pizza Company just like in the Dead Milkmen song.
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    You've been personally irritated by the Duck Boat.
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    You know the proper way to pronounce Schuylkill.
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    You know what Schuylkill punch is.
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    But you've never had to drink it (thank God).
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    You will always defend Allen Iverson, no matter what he does.
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    You regularly park in the middle of Broad Street.
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    You love freaking out tourists by taking them to the Mutter Museum.
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    You generally scoff at all Penn kids but think Temple kids are aight.
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    You or someone you know once got their bike wheel trapped in the trolley tracks.
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    You've eaten scrapple and you'd probably do it again
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    Septa unreliability has almost gotten you fired.
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    You've tried to get someone at Septa fired.
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    You've definitely had a Septa bus drive by you for NO GOOD REASON.
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    You've dropped so many prepositions their use now confuses you.
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    You've had a drunk slice or two at Lorenzo's.
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    But you know that real pizza wolves go to Lazaro's.
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    You can't help but hum along to Elton John's "Philadelphia Freedom."
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    And Bruce Springsteen's "Philadelphia."
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    You know when somebody says "lager" they mean Yuengling.
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    You've attended a beef and beer.
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    You lived or grew up in a row house.
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    You remember watching the MOVE bombings on TV.
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    You were taught how to street fight by your parents.
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    You've had a number of personal DJ Jazzy Jeff sightings.
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    You hate it when people try and compare Philly to New York, and will defend your city to the death.
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    Because the truth is, as much as it drives you crazy sometimes, there's no place else in the world you'd rather live.
 
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