Brace Yourself, Experts Are Warning That This Year's Magpie Season Could Be Bloodier Than Ever

Next month: A plague of flesh-eating locusts.

Because the year is 2020 and nothing can surprise us anymore, you might be mildly interested to hear that Australia's beloved season of 'murder by magpie' is set to be worse than ever this spring.

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Ah yes, the sweet smell of jasmine and terror.

In case you're new here, the rundown is this: Spring is traditionally the season when magpies breed and then become super aggressively protective of their nests.

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Which means they will dive-bomb the hell out of you, if you happen to be walking or cycling by their precious eggs.

And in 2020, experts believe that magpie swooping will only get worse, because of the amount of Australians wearing face masks outdoors.

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Sean Dooley, from Birdlife Australia, told Sunrise that "magpies have an ability to recognise up to 100 different faces of individuals in their own area" — but that masks will inhibit the birds' ability to recognise 'friendly' faces.

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I mean, could we try drawing smiles on top of the masks? Because this is not an excuse to leave your mask at home.

Short of staying indoors and avoiding going outside for three months, Dooley's best advice is to just stay calm.

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"If you're walking and you're being swooped, just back away slowly and move out of the zone."

Honestly, losing an eye to a magpie wouldn't even be the most distressing thing to happen in 2020 — but try your best to stay safe!

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