Joanna: The Times Square Red Lobster looks like the canteen for a futuristic post-apocalyptic army of disposable human drones.
Alexis: I’m glad we decided to sit down at a table and have this drink, even if our server likely wanted to strangle us for only ordering a martini and biscuits. I propose a new challenge, a martini-and-biscuits challenge, where we go to various restaurants that offer those two menu items and see how long it takes for them to kick us out for ordering just those two things. Anyway, the ambiance was kind of like a yacht club in Idaho, built by people who have only ever read about the sea in children’s library illustrated editions of Moby Dick. So, like, nautical but misinformed.
THE DRINK: Caramel Appletini
Suggested alternative name: APPLE!!!!!! DID YOU KNOW THIS IS APPLE?-tini
• Smells like an orchard.
• Tastes like being punched in the mouth by an apple.
• The caramel aftertaste is, wow...pungent.
• The caramel starts separating and gathering at the bottom, not unlike fish food.
• Imagine an apple-flavored Jolly Rancher. Now imagine that the Jolly Rancher hates you.
• That’s it. That’s the drink.
•The caramel slurry at the bottom of the glass at the end was tempting, but ultimately I passed.