A Twentysomething Party Vs. A Thirtysomething Party

Just ONE glass of malbec. I have to get up early to go running tomorrow.

1. Twentysomething party: The fun doesn’t really get going until 11:30 p.m.

2. Thirtysomething party: Everyone arrives promptly at 8.

3. Twenties: You invite a million people and don’t care how many people are coming.

4. Thirties: Your guest rolled in with five of her friends and didn’t RSVP???

5. Twenties: Just throw your stuff wherever, it doesn’t matter.

6. Thirties: You gather coats and put them on your bed. Or on an actual coatrack!

7. The punch at a twentysomething party: a vat of Sunkist orange soda and Popov.

8. Thirties: EVERYONE brings a bottle of red wine.

9. Twenties: huddling in the bedroom to do drugs.

10. Thirties: huddling in bedrooms to look at someone’s wedding dress Pinterest board.

11. At a twentysomething party: checking out someone.

12. Thirtysomething party: checking out someone’s Vitamix.

OMG, I’ve wanted one for so long. How is it????

13. Twentysomething party: dancing to the latest tunes.

14. Thirties: discussing your passionate feelings about Jonathan Franzen.

15. Twentysomething party: Food is a couple of bags of random tortilla chips.

16. Thirtysomething party: Someone brought something homemade and uber-fancy to show off how good they are at cooking.

17. Twentysomething party: Your neighbors ask you to turn the music down.

18. Thirties: YOU ask you to turn the music down.

19. Twenties: That one person brings an ironic six-pack of Smirnoff Ice.

20. Thirties: That one person brings their baby.

21. Twenties: getting mad when you catch people hooking up in your bedroom.

22. Thirties: getting mad when you catch a guest doing the dishes for you.

23. Twentysomething party games:


24. Thirtysomething party games:

25. Twenties: Take a bunch of shots with your fun quasi-alcoholic friend.

26. Thirties: Talk in concerned, hushed tones about how your quasi-alcoholic friend needs to “get it under control.”

27. Twenties: getting mad when people steal your stuff.

28. Thirties: getting mad when someone accidentally takes home your casserole dish instead of theirs.

29. After a party in your twenties: You let the mess linger for days. (Maybe even…weeks.)

30. Thirtysomething party: You clean up that night (and your friends pitch in!).

31. Twenties: After the party it’s the after-party, then after the party it’s the hotel lobby.

33. After a fun night with your friends, at any age:

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