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21 Ways To Suck At Riding The Subway

WARNING: Only attempt these if you are a moderate-to-severe D-bag.

1. Clip your fingernails.

2. Lean on the pole instead of holding it.

3. Shove your way onto the train without letting people off first.

4. Eat stinky food on a crowded rush hour train.

5. Fall asleep on your neighbor.

6. Hold the doors.

7. When seated, attempt to get up before your stop, forcing everyone near you to let go of their poles.

8. Chop onions.

9. Talk loudly on your phone when the train is above ground.

10. Put your dripping wet umbrella on an empty seat.

11. Decline to let visibly pregnant women sit.

12. Squeeze into a packed car that clearly cannot hold any more passengers.

13. Sit like this.

14. Be a dead shark.

15. Wear a backpack on a crowded car.

16. Play a loud game without headphones, so everyone can listen to the noises.

17. Rock out with your belly out.

18. Let your hair touch other passengers, which is actually the worst.

19. Stand in front of the doors and refuse to move when the door opens.

20. Put your feet up on a seat.

21. Break-dance.