The fact that despite loosing a lot of weight (50+ kg down without surgery or any help whatsoever) I still hate myself and my body. Loosing the weight doesn’t make you feel better about yourself, you have to do that on your own, I just simply can’t feel good about me. I still feel like I will never be good enough for anybody and that I don’t deserve to have all these great people around me. I have been in therapy (helped for like a year) and medication (doesn’t help b/c my liver breaks it down too fast). I am glad that I ditched the scale (haven’t stepped foot on one in a year), but I still want to loose inches and I don’t feel like I will ever get there. I am scared I will gain all the weight back and have developed unhealthy eating habits (binging and purging). Having people tell me how proud they are off me loosing the weight really doesn’t help, b/c I don’t feel that way and feel like a cheat and a failure every time I binge.
Fabian Hambuchen won gold on horizontal bar not on floor.
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