Roses are red, violets are blued, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift are in an endless feud. These are all things we're *supposed* to believe are facts.
But recently I got to thinking: What if that's just what Taylor and Katy WANT us to believe? What if they plotted the whole *feud* thing together?
What if Katy and Taylor are actually best friends and they masterminded the whole feud thing to fuck with us all? Really makes you think
"No, don't be silly!" I told myself. But then I found myself in a tailspin, searching the darkest corners of the Internet, and I've somehow convinced myself that the whole thing is just a brilliant ruse. So now, I present you with an official theory based solely on my interpretation: "Katy Perry and Taylor Swift Are Not Actually Feuding."
Let's start at the "official" beginning of the feud. Taylor Swift is interviewed for a Rolling Stone profile, published Sept. 8, 2014. Here's the first mention of her diss track, "Bad Blood":
The angriest song on 1989 is called "Bad Blood," and it's about another female artist Swift declines to name. "For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not," she says. "She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, 'Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?'" Then last year, the other star crossed a line. "She did something so horrible," Swift says. "I was like, 'Oh, we're just straight-up enemies.' And it wasn't even about a guy! It had to do with business. She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I'm surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It's awkward, and I don't like it."
"She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me."
Okay, let's break that down. So Taylor is allegedly FURIOUS at Katy for stealing her dancers. In 2013, three dancers on Taylor's Red tour — Lockhart Brownlie, Scott Myrick, and Leah Adler — leave to go dance on Katy Perry's Prismatic tour. (They had danced for Katy Perry in the past.)
Eagle-eyed Taylor fans notice that Taylor unfollows those three backup dancers on Twitter in 2013, before the Rolling Stone profile ever comes out:
Wait- can someone fill me on what's going on...Why did Taylor unfollow 3 of her dancers?? #confused
ill pray for you guys bc the queen unfollowed @onlyLeah @Lockoir @Scott_Myrick
Why did Taylor unfollow her dancers though? Any, um, theories?
But guess who Taylor DOESN'T UNFOLLOW? Guess who Taylor still follows as of TODAY...even though they are "straight-up enemies."
So let me get this straight: In 2013 Taylor is so pissed off at Katy Perry for sabotaging her tour that she unfollows the dancers but NOT Katy? And now, in 2017, after multiple diss tracks and subtweets, she still follows Katy...and Katy follows her back:
This Twitter user sums it up perfectly:
So here's an alternative interpretation of this narrative. It's September 2014, and Taylor Swift is fucking sick of everybody making everything about her love life:
She has decided to change the narrative for her new album, 1989. No matter what happens, she won't allow the headlines to be about her relationships anymore. So she writes a diss track called "Bad Blood." Here's what she tells Rolling Stone:
"I know people will make it this big girl-fight thing," she says. "But I just want people to know it's not about a guy."
There it is. She knows that people will interpret it as a "big girl-fight thing" because that's exactly what she wants them to do. Again, THIS IS NOT ABOUT A GUY.
Only thing left to do? Figure out which famous female celebrity she's feuding with. This person needs to meet these qualifications:
1. Be someone who Taylor was friendly with in the past who is famous enough that people will care.
@Katyperry knows how to throw a birthday party! I would even go as far as to say it was party-licious. Best EVER. Happy bday, pretty girl!!
2. Also have a big *event* coming up in the next few months and can also benefit from the publicity of a feud:
3. Have a recent *incident* that can be the cause of the alleged feud. (This incident cannot have anything to do with a guy. Ahem, John Mayer.)
That would be the whole "dancer tour sabotage" thing. Taylor was obviously pissed at the dancers (she unfollowed them, see above) but didn't blame Katy for that (she DIDN'T unfollow her, see above) — until it became a great narrative for the "feud."
So Katy agrees to fuel the fire because you can't have a one-sided feud, obvs:
Watch out for the Regina George in sheep's clothing...
The two continue to take thinly veiled shots at each other throughout the years without saying anything too damaging or straightforward.
They are two of the most followed people on Twitter, so any slight mention or allusion to the feud immediately gets MILLIONS OF FANS defending them on either side.
And now, Katy put out her own diss track, "Swish Swish" which has gotten more attention than any of her recent singles because people love finding all the connections to the Swift feud. It's genius actually, because the more people talk about it, the better it is FOR BOTH OF THEM. There is no such thing as bad publicity in this feud.
If this is all true, Taylor and Katy have basically turned the whole "pitting women against women" thing on its head. They took complete ownership over a fake feud and used the media's obsession with celebrity feuds to benefit themselves. And I just can't hate on that.
Finding it ironic to parade the pit women against other women argument about as one unmeasurably capitalizes on the take down of a woman...
Maybe this is just the cynic in me that doesn't believe anything is real, but the whole feud has always just felt a little fishy and a bit too calculated to me...
And as Taylor said in a 2015 interview with The Telegraph, "It’s not real if someone appears to never have any issues with anyone. I have my friends. I have enemies."
Taylor herself noted that it wouldn't look real if she appeared to never have any issues with anyone — so she changed the narrative and found herself a public enemy.