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The World Might Not Be Ready For A Ranking Of 11 Famous Dicks, But I Made It Anyway

Though the Statue of David stands tall and erect, his package is what kids today would call a "short king." Nevertheless, his majestic d*ck is truly unmatched, because Michelangelo knew how to expertly handle a tool.

From penises to Richards, many Dicks have popped up on BuzzFeed over the years. But I recently noticed a hole in BuzzFeed's Dick Content™ that's yet to be filled: we need an Official Dick Ranking!! That's where I come in.

two people looking at something with adoration

As the old saying goes, "the penis mightier than the sword." So at long last, I unsheathe my ranking of history's 11* mightiest Dicks...for your pleasure.

11. Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon

nixon giving a speech on tv

10. John Mayer's "white supremacist dick"

john and taylor posing for the camera at an event

9. Phallus impudicus, or "nature's dick"

mushroom in the ground that looks very similar to a penis

8. Moby Dick

book cover

7. Shakespeare's two Richard plays, Dick II and Dick III

old painting of a king and queen with an army and court behind them

6. Spotted dick

dessert on a plate

5. Dick Tracy

comic book

4. DICK'S Sporting Goods

the store entrance

3. Pete Davidson's Big Dick Energy

pete walking with ariana grande

2. The Statue of David's dick

the statue in a museum

1. Dick Van Dyke

dick on the red carpet

Do you have a favorite dick? Share your dicks in the comments below! (No pictures allowed, you sickos.) 🍆👇