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    25 Sep 2018

    13 Times I Yelled "Oh, Shut Up" During The Brownlow Red Carpet

    This shindig has become a convention for really, really, ridiculously good looking people.

    The Brownlow Medal is the AFL's best and fairest awards night. And this year guests got dressed the fuck up.

    Scott Barbour / Getty Images

    Like these two glamours, Bec Judd (in the purple J'Aton dress) and Jessie Murphy (in the pink Oglia-Loro Couture creation). Both are married to talented men who know how to kick a Sherrin between the sticks.

    1. Everyone looked ridiculously attractive except for maybe one tiny detail, found on the face of Ermenegildo Zegna-clad Swans star Buddy Franklin.

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    (Buddy. Please. That mo' needs to go).

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    2. The women all looked gorgeous, their skin was radiant and their dresses were bullshit levels of beautiful. Emma Giles' was borderline delicious — look at the Viennetta ice cream-inspired hem!

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    3. Scusi Ruby Keddie? Does J.Lo know she has an Aussie doppelganger?

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    4. Bec Judd is a red carpet queen and it was fantastic to see her use her position to campaign for the dying industry of crochet doilies.

    Scott Barbour / Getty Images

    5. There is only a small percentage of humans who could wear a sparkly spider web and not get arrested for indecency. Charlotte Ennels is one of those people.

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    6. Can we get a royal commission into how Nadia Bartel makes looking so effortlessly elegant and comfortable while heavily pregnant? Please?

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    7. Logan Shine may have robbed a Lincraft warehouse for this ensemble but with the way she works those angles her mug shot will be better than the Hot Felon's.

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    8. Yo, Sarah Roughead. Donatella called and wants you to report for runway duty please.

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images, Miguel Medina / AFP / Getty Images

    9. When I grow up I want the sass, suit and sunnies of 17-year-old Matisse Stynes, the daughter of the late Melbourne great Jim. The vibe is part Lorde, part accountant and I dig it.

    10. This mosaic print is so fancy it should be on The Block.

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    Special shout out for Brit Davis' flowing hair too. Marie Uva, Melbourne's top hair stylist, has been doing Brownlow 'dos for 12 years and told BuzzFeed this year's looks have been her favourite ever: "I did a lot of big, textured hair but it's got a real Australian, undone vibe about it. I love how we've finally found a signature red carpet look that's relaxed and super sexy," she said.

    11. Look at the cheekbones on Julie Clark would ya?

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    She took out the most coveted, non-televised award of the night: Best Highlighter Application.

    12. At first I was like "Is she wearing fairy floss?" but after a double take I feel this creation is fun and unique — the fashion equivalent of dipping your Macca's chips into a sundae. You don't think it'll work but it does.

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    Jessie Murphy: Three votes.

    13. And these suits on Josh Kaddy and Dustin Martin are better than Suits itself.

    Quinn Rooney / Getty Images

    Yes, this is a hill I will die on.

    Related:

    * Here's What Everyone Wore To The Brownlow

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