I Watched Netflix's "A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding" And Had A Lot Of Thoughts
“There’s something going on in Aldovia that doesn’t make sense.” Yes, it’s called the entire plot of this movie.
1. At least they have opening shots of New York instead of Chicago this time.
2. I can’t get over Amber’s blog being called “Amber’s Blog”.
3. Montage time!
4. Of course they’re getting married on Christmas day.
5. “I feel like a brand new person.” Um that’s because YOU ARE, Rudy!! Why did they recast him?!
6. Pretty sure the future queen doesn’t need to get a cab.
7. Oh yep they sent the “royal limos”. Lmao.
8. Amber’s new dad is infinitely more annoying than her old dad.
9. “Have you ever been inside a palace?” “I went to Caesar’s Palace one.” Oh my god I hate him.
10. You do NOT greet anyone like that, let alone a queen.
11. “You must be as exhausted by your journey as we are by your arrival.” Drag him Mrs Averill!
12. “You’re suite.” “Sweet!” What a script.
13. Where has Amber been staying every other time she’s visited Aldovia?
14. Here’s Richard! Actually totally forgot that was the king’s name.
15. Hey, that’s right, he’s a king now. Shouldn’t this be called A Christmas King?
16. Good to see they have retained the cheap plastic toothpicks in the palace.
17. How has the wedding not been planned already?
18. Why does Sahil keep referring to himself in the third person?
19. “Blogs. That’s what I do for a living.” – Me at Christmas trying to explain my job to my family.
20. Ah yes, the “Bring Aldovia Into The 21st Century” initiative. What a catchy title.
21. Did Sahil take his gown design inspiration from those cones dogs have to wear to stop them from licking themselves?
22. But also HOW DOES AMBER NOT HAVE A DRESS YET?!
23. “I didn’t realise that becoming part of the royal family meant having to give up who I am.” Oh Amber, my sweet summer child.
24. Oooh the magazine Amber worked for has gone bust!
25. And they’re making jokes about whether it was called Beat Now or Now Beat. Someone saw all the memes.
26. What is the population of Aldovia?
27. Omg the evil cousin is back!
28. “When numbers don’t add up there’s usually a reason.” Amber, you’re a genius.
29. Okay but for real she didn’t even know how to tutor the kid in maths in the last movie, and now I’m supposed to believe she’s some kind of numbers expert? Okay.
30. Is Rudy seriously gonna mansplain gourmet cooking to this chef? This guy.
31. Amber: I’d like to help. Richard: Good news, Lord Leopold is gonna help! Amber: Fuck me then I guess.
32. I'm screaming at all the dramatic reaction shots to evil cousin Simon’s arrival.
33. That is the fugliest wedding dress I’ve ever seen.
34. “Like Shrek!” Amber’s frame of reference for mythology is the same as mine.
35. Awww this little romance between Emily and her theatre buddy is sweet.
36. *All the lights go off*. “This can’t be right.” Genius Amber strikes again.
37. Okay so Leopold is definitely a bad guy right.
38. “I take offence to that.” “I take offence to you.” Princess Emily with the sickest burns.
39. “First snow of Christmas.” Ummm so is all that snow that’s been on the ground the whole time fake?!
40. I think this tree search is supposed to be cute but it’s doing nothing for me.
41. Omg the queen is actually going to go tobogganing.
42. THAT GREEN SCREEN! I’m screaming.
43. Okay, this play scene is pretty cute.
44. Yeah I’m sure a whole bunch of randoms are allowed to take over the royal kitchen. Especially when 95% of the country is furious with the king. Makes total sense.
45. I can’t believe Emily and this kid’s romance is getting more screen time than Amber and Richard.
46. “It was trending with tonnes of positive comments.” Amber speaks like someone who has never actually been on the internet.
47. They totally stole this whole blog plot from Harry and Meghan.
48. This movie needs so much less of Amber’s dad.
49. “I think there’s something wrong with her face.” Wow Sahil.
50. That locket is the only thing Amber is wearing that isn’t hideous.
51. Yeah that $20 necklace is totally part of the Crown Jewels. Sure Jan.
52. I’m so glad we’re getting another archery scene.
53. I totally forgot about the prime minister.
54. “There’s something going on in Aldovia that doesn’t make sense.” Yes, it’s called the entire plot of this movie.
55. Seriously, who decided to make this movie about the economic struggles of Aldovia? This is soooooo boring.
56. “Your outfit's very incognito.” She’s wearing exactly what she wears every other day. Except with sunglasses. At night time. Inside. Real subtle.
57. “Meadowlark. Fishy.” Amber’s journalistic skills are as impeccable as always.
58. Cousin Simon to the rescue! We love a redemption arc.
59. OF COURSE Princess Emily is a hacker.
60. I mean Amber, maybe just tell Richard in private about your investigation rather than looping uptight Mrs Averill in.
61. Come on Richard, step up. You’re the KING for crying out loud.
62. “Aren’t exactly Mr Robot are you? More like Mr SLOW-bot.” Cousin Richard gets his revenge.
63. Amber is so dramatic, literally telling no one where she was going.
64. Okay but Amber you do know being queen is kind of a full-time job?
65. I’m glad they’re getting the wedding talk out of the way first. Real high priority over exposing the guy ripping off the entire country.
66. Amber is really threatening Lord Leopold with a bow and arrow huh.
67. “Yes, yes, I get it. It’s not that clever.” Me @ this whole script.
68. There’s ACTUALLY a dungeon?!
69. How does Aldovian law work?
70. You know what, forget it, I don’t care.
71. Richard really brought that script along just so he could dramatically tear it up on camera.
72. Wow that Christmas tree is tacky. Mrs Averill ain’t dead but she’s still spinning in her grave.
73. This is a tiny-ass royal wedding.
74. Cousin Simon is Richard’s best man?! Does...does Richard not have any actual friends?
75. Amber’s new dress isn’t much better than her old one?! I’m disappointed.
76. And she’s wearing sneakers. *Pretends to be shocked.*
77. Okay I’m gonna need a whole movie about Cousin Simon and Amber’s friend falling in love, thanks.
78. THE WEDDING TOPPERS! OMG.
79. Princess Emily is a DJ now too?
80. Conga lines are never a good idea.
81. This is the silliest shit I’ve ever seen and I’ve now sat through TWO of these movies (not to mention a bunch of others just like them).
82. “I don’t think we’ll ever be able to top this one.” OH YES YOU CAN. A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby, anyone?
83. Oh shit the conga line is back.
84. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
85. What a mess.
86. These credits bloopers are more entertaining than the actual movie.
87. Excuse me while I go rewatch the first one another 52 times.