You own ugg boots.And wear them outside the house.You play Goon of Fortune regularly.And turn the empty goon bag into a pillow when you're done.You call chardonnay "cardonnay".And pronounce Target "Tar-zjay".You're obsessed with baby names with ~unique~ spellings.You think VB is the greatest beer in the world.Closely followed by XXXX.When you're feeling fancy you drink Jim Beam.Or Bundy.You use "fuck" like it's punctuation.You've definitely said "I'm not racist, but..."You shred for Stereo.You love Holden V8s.And go to Bathurst every year.Your favourite band is Acca Dacca.You have a Southern Cross tattoo.And/or a tramp stamp.You smoke durries.And drink a lot of Red Bull.You've definitely had a mullet in your life.In fact you have one right now."Dressing up" to you means wearing a t-shirt instead of a singlet.You walk around barefoot most of the time.And when you're not barefoot you're wearing thongs.You address groups of people with "youse".You own a ute.And call it the "root ute".Carl Barron is your comedy idol.You fucking love Shannon Noll.You go hunting for fun.You wear stubbies.You also drink stubbies.When it's cold you live in your trackie daks.Your nickname ends in "azza" or "ezza".You call guys "blokes" and girls "sheilas".You watch A Current Affair regularly.And know someone who has been on it.In fact you've been on it yourself.You own clothing emblazoned with the Australian flag.And have worn the actual flag as a cape.Australia Day is your favourite day of the year.You've been on a Contiki tour.Make that multiple Contiki tours.You go on yearly holidays to Surfers Paradise.Or Bali.You've been in a fight on Anzac Day.You have personalised number plates.And have decorated your car with frangipani stickers.Your fave pick-up line is "wanna root?"You call your mates "cunt".
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