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    The Official Ranking Of "Evermore" Tracks, By How Much They've Emotionally Ruined Me

    This is one emotional album.

    As an album, evermore totally blindsided me. Not just because we only found out about it 12 hours before it dropped, but because it's so emotionally heavy and depressing. As a sister to folklore, and with a brighter color scheme and happier-sounding track titles, I thought we were getting something more aligned with Lover – happy songs about being in love. Lol nope.

    Beth Garrabrant / Taylor Swift / UMG

    Songs with titles like "happiness" and "champagne problems" have some of the saddest lyrics that Taylor's ever written. While the overall vibe of the album seems more upbeat than folklore, this is the saddest Taylor's ever sounded.

    So without further ado, here is the definitive ranking of songs by how much they make me β€” an emotionally stunted Swiftie who has cried maybe 10 times total in the last decade β€” sob into my pillow.

    15. "willow"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    Sorry "willow", but there's nothing about you that makes me cry. In fact, it makes me want to dance at midnight around a ceremonial bonfire in the middle of the woods. The only slightly emotional thing about this song for me is the intro music, which sounds a lot like the guitar riff in "invisible string".

    14. "dorothea"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    I definitely vibe with this song, but I can't really get on board with the narrator. Sorry to be rude but he sounds like a bit of a sad sack, still being in love with his high school girlfriend who went off to LA and became famous. I love the lyrics, the storytelling, the world-building, but I just can't connect emotionally.

    13. "closure"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    Tell me why this sad-ass song makes me want to pop my booty so much? Is it the Charli XCX clanging vibes in the intro? Probably. Maybe it's supposed to have sad undertones, but I get no emotions from this song at all. Just a slight headache.

    12. "no body, no crime"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    Another upbeat bop on the album, this certainly isn't a tear-jerker. However, I have been craving more country music from Taylor since she dropped 1989, so this one still gets me in the feels.

    11. "gold rush"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    Taylor Swift and Jack Antonoff are goddamn wizards – the fact that they wrote "Getaway Car", "Cruel Summer", "august", and now "gold rush" just proves it. It's about that intense feeling when you see a super-hot stranger on the street and suddenly start imagining your whole life together. For that reason, combined with the upbeat vibe of it all, she doesn't make me cry.

    10. "'tis the damn season"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    I am obsessed with this song about going back to your hometown at Christmas and hooking up with your old high school love. However, the only thing about it that makes me want to cry is the fact that Taylor wrote this whole song one night after like ten wines. Imagine having that talent?

    9. "long story short"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    There's no doubt that this is the happiest track on the album. I love it A LOT and I can't wait to one day hear it live at FolkLoverMoreFest or whatever tour Taylor does once we've all been vaccinated. But as a Swiftie who is way more invested in Taylor Swift's personal life and happiness than in my own, it does get me in my feels a little bit. She's just come so far and been through so much and I'm so proud. :')

    8. "marjorie"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    I am lucky enough to never have lost anyone really close to me, so this song doesn't hit quite as hard as I imagine it would for some others. The bridge makes me suuuuuper sad, like I need to cling onto my mom and relish every single moment with her.

    7. "champagne problems"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    The premise of this song – someone about to propose to their girlfriend, only for her to dump them – is certainly a sad one. I'm not sure why Taylor and her boyfriend love to write these depresso break-up tracks, but I'm into it. The bridge of this song is a fucking masterpiece, so much so that it makes me want to openly weep about what a good writer Taylor is. But the song ends on a hopeful note, so it doesn't make me quite as sad as others on this album.

    6. "coney island"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    Every time I listen to this song, I'm astounded by how much I love it. The lyrics? Iconic! The music? Beautiful! Matt Berninger's vocals? Extremely low and kind of alarming! But despite the level of my adoration for this song, I completely forget about it the second it stops. I couldn't tell you a single lyric (except for the iconic Calvin Harris drag that gives me a reason to live each day). So yeah, it makes me emotional but only in fleeting moments.

    5. "ivy"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    This is by far the most beautiful song that Taylor has ever written (closely followed by "ME!"). It makes me want to just lie on the floor and weep for hours, it's such a stunning song. I'm no music critic so I don't have the technical know-how to properly dissect why it's so incredible, but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

    Yes, I did initially think it was about ghost sex the first few times I heard it, but now I've wrapped my head around it I'm fully on board. I'm trying to choose my favorite lyric to quote here but it's literally impossible.

    4. "tolerate it"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    Taylor has a tradition of placing her most heartbreaking and personal songs as track number five, and this one might be the most emotionally traumatizing she's done so far. There's nothing worse than being in a relationship where you know you love your partner way more than they'll ever love you, and Taylor has really captured the feeling perfectly.

    (Yes, I've never dated a world-famous DJ who thanked Diplo instead of me while accepting an award even though I was sitting right there, but once again Taylor makes her specific experiences universally relatable.)

    3. "happiness"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    I can't believe this woman had the audacity to write one of the saddest songs she's ever penned, and title it "happiness". I came into this thinking we'd get a cute, upbeat Lover-style bop and was sorely, sorely mistaken. The hopeful way she sings "there'll be happiness after you"... yowza that really cuts to the bone. While in the end it's about moving on and finding happiness after heartbreak, all I can focus on here is the deep and painful sadness that echoes through the lyrics and slow piano notes. And the lyric, "I pulled your body into mine every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties"? HOW DARE SHE????

    2. "cowboy like me"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    What is this song about? Absolutely no clue. But goddamn I'm into it. This shit is SAD SAD SAD. I don't know why but it just instills in me a deep sense of melancholy, like my life is meaningless and I'm never going to be happy again. Again, if I was a music critic I could tell you that it's because of the minor keys and the diminishing octaves or something, but all I know is that it sends me into a serious depression session.

    Also, the fact that the guitar sounds almost exactly like Taylor's first single "Tim McGraw" instantly puts me in my feelings.

    1. "evermore"

    Vevo / Taylor Swift / Via

    Like I said, I'm heavily invested in Taylor's personal happiness, so this song fully makes me want to dive headfirst off a cliff. It wasn't until we heard folklore and evermore that we really knew just how depressed and sad Taylor was in 2016 before meeting her now-boyfriend (and co-writer) Joe Alwyn, and this song really drives it home. Anyone else who's been in a similar mental state can relate to the feeling that "this pain would be for evermore", but to hear her put it in a song makes my heart shatter into a billion pieces.

    Up until this album dropped, I thought Joe Alwyn was a respectable but extremely basic mayonnaise man who charmed Taylor with his accent and blue eyes. But now I ship those two so much it's kind of embarrassing, and this song is the reason why.

    It's a perfect ending for the album, the outro chorus lyrics changed to "this pain wouldn't be for evermore", reminding us that there's always something better waiting for us even when it seems like all is lost.