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I Tried To Live According To Paris Hilton's Instagram And Here's What Happened

Living my dream.

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Paris Hilton has the most fire Instagram feed in the world today.

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It's a digital photo album of unlimited inspiration – seriously. Paris Hilton's Instagram offers an unflinching and unapologetic look into a world of unattainable glamour, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't live vicariously through it.

I, on the other hand, do not have a fire Instagram feed. So I wondered: What would happen if I tried to live the glorious life seen in Paris Hilton's Instagram?

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Would I somehow unlock the secret to self-confidence and success? Would I find spiritual enlightenment and free my mind from its echo chamber of personal torment? Or would I just annoy the few Instagram followers I currently have?

When you look at Paris Hilton's Instagram feed, a couple of things immediately jump out:

Instagram: @parishilton

For a 21st-century celebrity, the most noticeable thing is the lack of selfies. Instead Paris mostly opts for professionally taken photos. More than anything though, her account thrives on self-promotion, elaborate photoshops, and inspirational quotes – and her posts often contain a combination of all these.

So with this in mind, I devised a 10-step checklist and set off on my quest to experience the life seen in Paris Hilton's Instagram.

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In an effort to show my love for the outdoors I visited the closest bit of greenery to the office – a small square littered with half a dozen trees.

Instagram: @jamiedmj

The high-quality photo, taken by an actual photographer, was clearly a contrast to the usual photos I post on my feed – something my followers quickly picked up on.

2. Don't be afraid of self-promotion.

Instagram: @parishilton

When Paris shares a photo of herself in a photo frame, she looks like a boss. Me, I just look like a prick.

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It didn't help that I chose a photo that had been filtered through a Chinese image-editing app and that I had nothing to promote. This was not very Paris Hilton of me. Had I had the time and resources available to make my own perfume – called Pink Amnesia, if you were curious – I feel this would have worked a lot better. As it stands I just look like an anime character with an inflated ego.

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Unfortunately the only photo I have of me with a celebrity is this one with British TV chef Antony Worrall Thompson.

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It wasn't even his birthday, so I just wished him a happy Thursday. He also has no Instagram account. Antony Worrall Thompson is no Eminem. Maybe I am no Paris Hilton?

As I lay there pretending to hold an oversized carrot cake, a lot of questions raced through my mind.

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Does Paris do her own photoshopping? Why is there a National Carrot Cake Day? Would I ever transcend the mortal realm and become one with Paris Hilton? It was also at this point that people started to become concerned about my mental wellbeing.

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OK, so maybe my face or the name Jamie Jones don't lend themselves so well to customised cushions.

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Plus, and I'm just guessing here, Paris Hilton probably didn't photoshop her own designs and order them from the cheapest Amazon seller she could find.

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I'm willing to admit that I'm no genius – up until the age of 18 I thought reindeers were fictional animals.

Instagram: @jamiedmj

So sitting there, for the most contrived photo I've ever posed for, I felt like a fraud. But even I'm willing to admit that I look pretty damn smart here. Yes, I'm incredibly uncomfortable, and sure, I might not be able to see a damn thing because my eyes are three-quarters shut, but look how smart I look.

Paris loves to spread inspiration. I do not.

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In my non-Paris mindset I'd be more likely to share a tombstone inscription than an uplifting quote. The responses "strong agree" and "My faveeeeee", although sarcastic, were pretty encouraging. Plus I got to use the running man emoji for the first time ever, so I'm counting this as a win.

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It was time to go full Paris, or at least attempt to.

Instagram: @jamiedmj

I'm not comfortable in front of the camera, and in this photo it shows. The pink blazer I bought for this shot did not instil the confidence within me that I imagined it would.

Plus, after 10 minutes of experimenting with uncomfortable poses, it became apparent that the pose Paris is pulling off is completely inhuman. Seriously, look at her neck in relation to her body – that is the pose of an owl, not a human.

This made me ~very~ uncomfortable.

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Of all the Paris-like things I did, this was by far the one that made me the most anxious. I'm no fan of my face at the best of times, so seeing it on someone else was not a pleasant experience. Laura, if you still have the T-shirt, please burn it.

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Of all the photos taken, this was the one where I was feeling my best.

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While it wasn't picture-perfect – I don't own a yacht and would look terrible in a bikini – it was during this shot that I felt my most Paris Hilton-esque. Tbf, how could anyone not feel super glam enjoying pina coladas on a pink-carpeted stationary riverboat?

As much as I hated all the contrived photoshoots, I actually felt a little sad that the experiment was coming to an end.

Some final thoughts.

Instagram: @parishilton / instagram.com

The biggest realisation for me was the contrasting experiences in taking the photos and then posting them. While I got a hell of a kick out of the reactions to my photos, I'm really not sure if the effort that went into taking the pictures was worth the reward. It's easy to dismiss Paris Hilton's Instagram as just being a shrine to herself and her business ventures, but in doing so you fail to appreciate the confidence and self-acceptance that comes with her style.

I'm mostly going to stick to my own Instagram aesthetic of badly lit selfies and unplanned photos of every cat I encounter, but I'm not going to shy away from occasionally getting a little more glam. ✨👑✨