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44 Strange, Ridiculous, And Bizarre Things Overheard On The London Underground

"You accusing me of giving my dog prosecco?"

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1. On vandalism:

Overheard on the Tube... Boy (spotting graffiti): Daddy, why have they written on his face? Dad: Because... well it's James Blunt.

2. On the inner workings of public transport:

Overheard on the tube: 'how does the train know where we live?'


4. On music:

Overheard on the tube: 'Jimi Hendrix, is that the one that makes the gin?' I don't think so mate.

5. On social life:

Overheard on tube: "You know Megastructures of the Nazi World on the History Channel? Well I was at the wrap party for that"

7. On evil:

Overheard on tube: "The devil's not a nice bloke"


8. On fashion:

Overheard on the tube: "I feel like gluten-free diet and vintage clothes go so well together"

10. On morals:

Overheard on the tube: "So basically, he uses The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air as his moral compass". #WordOnTheStreet

11. On patriotism:

#wordonthestreet overheard on Tube: "He's got For Queen and Country tattooed above his cock"


13. On renting:

Overheard on tube: guy discussing merits of renting a bed in someone's kitchen. "He says he won't come in if I'm sleeping & he wants toast"

14. On overcoming fear:

Overheard on the tube: "I've gotten over my fear of ham." 👏🐖


16. On geography:

Overheard on tube, bantzlads talking about holidays: BL1: I really want to go to Bucharest. BL2: Where's that? Finland? BL1: I have no idea.

17. On science:

Overheard on Tube. Middle-aged lady. "Yeah science is a bit better than hearsay innit. Bit more.. scientific." Yep. #truefacts. #science.

19. On dental hygiene:

Excellent advice overheard on tube: "Look after your teeth. Without your teeth it's harder to chew."


20. On home security:

Just overheard on tube: "Did you lock the door? I think I left a croissant on the table"

22. On avian ferocity:

'Have you ever had a canary attack you? It's a bloody nightmare' Overheard on my tube journey.

23. On social media:

Overheard on the Tube: "She's gone all weird. She set up a Facebook profile up for her baby and talks like she's the baby"


25. On relationships:

Overheard on Tube: "I can't chuck Marissa, we're locked in until November when we've been on holiday to Mauritius."

26. On avocados:

"OK, I'm going to play Devil's avocado here" #OverheardOnTube


28. On hobbies:

Man on train: 'Do you like Rugby?' His friend: 'No, I like antiques'. #overheardontube

29. On trains and romance:

Overheard on the Tube: "What's the Eurostar equivalent of the Mile High club called?"

31. On radio:

Overheard on the Tube last week: 'Radio 4 is just one shitty book after another.' Sometimes at this time of night, I almost understand.


32. On classic literature:

Overheard on the tube between two kids: 'bruv, both Romeo & Juliette die, you know that right?' 'come on bruv, where's the spoiler alert'

34. On hairstyles:

Overheard on the tube: "Babe, I could definitely do a man-bun. Don't try and fucking stop me"

35. On life goals:

Overheard on tube: "I reckon I could beat a camel. I wanna go to the desert & race wild camels." As you do.


37. On philosophy:

Overheard on the tube: "How did we end up here?" "On the tube?" "No, in life..." #Deep

38. On reptiles:

Overheard on the tube: "you can tell if a cat is happy, you can't tell with a snake"


40. On religion:

Overheard on the Tube: "I'd like to become a Catholic, but they don't let you smoke and I can't afford the flight to Ireland."

41. On dieting:

Just overheard a convo on the tube 'if you eat lots and then fall asleep the calories don't count because your body thinks its the next day'

43. On world history:

Overheard on tube - father explaining to daughter that Michael Jackson never actually went to the moon

44. On eavesdropping commuters:

Overheard on the tube: “Let’s move over there, I think this twat’s listening to our conversation.”