Buzz·Posted on 10 Sept 201537 Food Tweets Guaranteed To Make You Laugh Every Time"A steak pun is a rare medium well done."by Jamie JonesBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Sammy Rhodes @sammyrhodes How has the guy who makes Capri Sun straw openings not been up for a job performance review? 05:13 PM - 17 Jul 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Rad Kyle @KyleMcDowell86 *calls up pizza place* WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING 02:57 AM - 06 Feb 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. 4. Chez McCorvey @CelebrityChez My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and stared at me for five minutes, then it closed the door and left. 06:39 PM - 24 Jul 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. brandon from school @peeznuts -Does it have apples in it? -No. -What about pine? -No pine either. -Perfect, we'll call it a pineapple. 06:54 PM - 22 Apr 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. 7. DITTELLISACHODE @davedittell waiter, there's a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soup 04:35 AM - 11 Mar 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Louis Peitzman @LouisPeitzman I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn ice cream into breakfast. 04:51 PM - 25 Jun 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Molly Manglewood @undeadmolly Oh r u still using handheld beans? 02:30 AM - 04 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Kalvin @KalvinMacleod Steps to survive on a dessert island: 1. check spelling 2. if correct, enjoy 02:50 PM - 04 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. GoaT FacE ThrillA @EndhooS Parmesan Sir? "Yes please" Say when. *Grates Parmesan* Sir? "..." *Grates fingers* SIR? "..." *Grates entire hand* Please...I have a family. 10:11 AM - 08 Jul 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. 13. Mått @shadygrenade *approaches hot blonde at supermarket* "Excuse me but has anyone ever told you that you're blocking the fucking Lunchables?" 11:52 AM - 05 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Ceej @ceejoyner A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive. 11:17 PM - 24 May 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. ricardo @ricardojkay what Lana song is this from??? 07:15 PM - 19 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. shut up, mike @shutupmikeginn Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing 09:59 PM - 26 Dec 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. Chris Johnson @Eenfidel Godzilla on his smartphone, googling 'How many carbs does Tokyo have' 05:39 PM - 09 Sep 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. 19. COOL GUY TYLER LEMCO @tlemco That awkward moment when you try to start a food fight by throwing a sandwich but the guy just catches it and says "thanks for the sandwich" 12:09 AM - 19 Dec 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Smug Lemur @Smug_Lemur It's a lot easier to stop eating carbs once you've come to terms with living a joyless life full of anger and sadness. 12:47 AM - 29 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Ben @UniqueDude2 COOKING HACK: if you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there 12:51 AM - 04 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Danny Charnley @DanKCharnley please don't open up a new can of whoop ass when there is already an opened one in the refrigerator 10:47 PM - 07 May 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. kerihw @kerihw -The name's Bond. James Bond. -I've written Bond now. -Oh. Can you change it or is it too late? -When your coffee's ready they'll call Bond 01:47 PM - 04 Jul 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. 25. tnylgn @tnylgn Damn girl are you a pizza at a Chinese buffet because I'm not feeling it right now but I see you over there doing you and I respect that. 10:56 PM - 07 Oct 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. luke @internetluke [Hamburglar returns home from a long day of burger stealing] another long day at work stealing burgers. Wife: we need money not burgers 01:31 PM - 13 Oct 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. amz @amyrebeccaw__ Ten mins into trifle and chill and he gives u this look x 09:01 PM - 06 Sep 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. Andy H. @AndyAsAdjective The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins. 03:34 AM - 30 Nov 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. BeardSpice @BeardSpice "Do you have Coke" No, is Pepsi okay "Do you have updog" What's updog "Haha not much and no Pepsi is absolutely not okay" 09:32 PM - 30 Sep 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. 31. g cake @GarrettCake HEY PIGS STOP TRYING TO SWALLOW ENTIRE APPLES YOU KEEP DYING 09:45 PM - 31 Aug 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 32. Paul @FrenulumBreve [hands over brown bag with £10,000 ransom] "Now give me my wife." "This is short by £2.39" [hides Mcflurry] "it's all I got." 10:28 AM - 23 Dec 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 33. Aaron Fullerton @AaronFullerton What's a 27-letter word for "Corn"? 04:23 PM - 22 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 34. Marie Colette @MarieColette I just opened up a pizza box and the heat fogged up my glasses like some sort of nerd who saw something sexy 08:02 PM - 05 Dec 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 35. bread @zoebread i prefer 6O9 where you are both curled up around a big pizza 10:15 PM - 07 Sep 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 36. 37. Mary Charlene @IamEnidColeslaw 90% of a relationship is figuring out where to eat 08:14 PM - 26 Jul 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite