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18 Things Posh Scots Really, Really Don't Want To Hear

"But where are you actually from?" Shutupshutupshutup.

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1. "Have you met the Queen?"

Instagram: @royally_yourz

Nope. Just because we say grass like arse doesn't mean we hang out with the royal family on a regular basis. Or ever.

3. "Do you have a maid and butler?"

Instagram: @orlandodawn2015

Almost certainly not, but if this is your way of offering to come round our house and do our laundry, then we're fine with that.


5. "You probably voted No in the referendum, right?"

Instagram: @thetorontostar

Mebbes aye, mebbes naw, not that it's any of your business.

7. "Your school sounds like Hogwarts. Did you go to Hogwarts?"

Instagram: @eszterkarajz

We wish we did, because then we could magic you and your daft questions out of here.

8. "Do you know (random name)? Tall guy, went to Fettes, wears red trousers a lot?"

Instagram: @dazzyd53

No, because not all posh Scots know each other.


10. "Does your house look like the one in Monarch of the Glen?"

Instagram: @flekoul

Sure! There's absolutely no way any of us live in rented, damp, city centre flats.

11. "Do you know how to play croquet?"

Instagram: @soundandsewn

We know a total number of zero people who have played croquet. The Scottish weather doesn't lend itself to wandering around on sunny lawns drinking Pimm's.


13. "Do you have a tennis court? Can I come and play on it?"

Instagram: @brady_the_red

Wait, what? No. And even if that was an option, we wouldn't just invite random people over for a game.

15. "You must drive a Range Rover."

Instagram: @mikeb3112

If by Range Rover you mean battered 2006 VW Polo, then yes.

16. "I bet all your friends have names like Camilla and Tarquin."

Channel 4 / Giphy

You might be surprised to find that most of us have totally normal names, usually Scottish ones like *cough* Iona. Sorry to disappoint you.

17. "What does caviar taste like?"

Instagram: @rabrandom

Meh. We'd rather have a Scotch pie tbh. Not that we're troughing piles of it all the time (see above re: champagne).