35 Wild Historical Facts That Prove Time Makes Negative Sense

Sharks are 420 million years older than whales.

1. Dinosaurs went extinct over 30 million years before Hawaii even existed.

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Dinosaurs went extinct around 65 million years ago. The oldest spots of the Hawaiian Islands are probably around 30 million years old.

And I cannot believe this fact.

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2. Potentially the first case of COVID-19 in humans can be traced back to Nov. 17, 2019.

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3. So COVID-19 is literally just two days younger than that movie Ford v Ferrari.

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Ford v Ferrari came out in the United States on Nov. 15, 2019.

4. New Zealand was uninhabited until as late as between 1200 and 1300 AD, when its first settlers arrived.

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5. We are closer to the 50th anniversary of Clueless than to Clueless itself.

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Clueless came out July 19, 1995, 26 years ago.

I refuse to absorb this as the truth.

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6. The University of Oxford is older than the Aztec Empire.

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Oxford was teaching by 1096. The Aztecs arrived in Mesoamerica in the early 1200s.

7. There are middle schoolers right now who were 6 years old when Donald Trump was elected president.

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The average sixth-grader is 11 at the start of the school year, which means this year's ones were born in 2010. Trump was elected in 2016.

8. The Himalayas and the Alps formed at kind of the same time.

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The Himalayas started forming about 47 million years ago, and the Alps were formed around 44 million years ago.

9. Pablo Picasso was alive from 1881 to 1973.

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10. The first successful airplane and the moon landing were only 66 years apart.

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The Wright brothers' first flights took place Dec. 17, 1903. The moon landing occurred July 20, 1969.

HOW??????

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11. Sharks are about 420 million years older than whales.

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The oldest fossil evidence of sharks or their ancestors dates back 450 million years. Whales really became whales somewhere around 34 million years ago.

12. Sharks are also older than trees.

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Trees are almost 400 million years old.

13. Someone who is 8 years old was not alive when The Office originally aired.

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14. Cleopatra lived closer to Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa than she did to the construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza.

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Cleopatra died in 30 BCE, 2,050 years before Future Nostalgia's 2020 release. The Great Pyramid is believed to have been constructed sometime between 2560 BCE and 2540 BCE.

15. Also, Cleopatra died at 39.

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She was born in 69 BCE and died in 30 BCE.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

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16. The oldest cat ever recorded, Creme Puff, was born in 1967 and died in 2005.

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17. The Great Lakes have only looked the way they do now for about 3,000 years.

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18. Katharine Hepburn was alive on 9/11.

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She died June 29, 2003.

19. The Ottoman Empire lasted until 1922.

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20. William Shakespeare died less than 120 years before George Washington was born.

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Shakespeare died April 23, 1616. George Washington was born Feb. 11, 1731 (though calendars later changed and his birth date moved by about a year, but that's for another time).

Nope. Nope. Nope.

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21. 1975 and 1991 are just as far apart as 2005 and 2021.

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22. The construction of the Taj Mahal took 23 years less than the gardens of Versailles.

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Construction of the Taj Mahal began in 1631 and finished in 1648. The gardens of Versailles took 40 years.

23. The 2021–22 kindergarten class will graduate from high school in 2034.

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24. London was founded over 1,100 years before Genghis Khan was born.

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London was founded in 43 CE. Genghis Khan was born in 1162.

25. The Stonewall riots, the first temporary artificial heart implantation, Woodstock, the moon landing, Abbey Road, the Tate-LaBianca murders, the glue stick's invention, and Jason Bateman's birth all happened in the same year.

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Each event took place in 1969.

Time is wild.

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26. Pangaea, the supercontinent, lasted for about 100 million years.

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Pangaea started around 299 million years ago and ended around 180 million years ago.

27. And dinosaurs went extinct before India connected with Asia.

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Dinosaurs went extinct around 65 million years ago. The Indian subcontinent connected with Asia around 40 million to 50 million years ago.

28. The oldest verified person, Jeanne Calment, lived for 122 years, which means that for a period of time, being 92 was 30 years ago for her.

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She was born Feb. 21, 1875, and died Aug. 4, 1997.

29. Barack Obama was born the month after Ernest Hemingway died.

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Obama was born Aug. 4, 1961. Hemingway died July 2, 1961.

30. Pizza didn't really become a thing in Italy outside of Naples until the 1940s.

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I don't know what's going on.

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31. King Tutankhamen's reign ended 1,000 years before Alexander the Great's — and I mean 1,000 years to the year exactly.

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King Tutankhamen reigned from 1333 to 1323 BCE. Alexander the Great reigned from 336 to 323 BCE.

32. Parts of the Great Wall of China were built in the fifth century BCE, and other parts were built in the 15th century AD.

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33. We think humans arrived in Australia at least 30,000 years before they arrived in Japan.

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Humans arrived in Australia at least 65,000 years ago, we think. Humans arrived in Japan 35,000 years ago, we think.

34. Pretty soon, 2017 will be five years ago.

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35. And finally, John Mulaney is older than Khloé Kardashian.

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Mulaney was born Aug. 26, 1982. Kardashian was born June 27, 1984.

And I ask, does anything mean anything anymore?

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