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Which Member Of The British Royal Family Should You Get Drunk With?

Choose wisely; at least one of them is obsessed with helicopters.

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  1. Prince Harry
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    Prince Harry
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    The Queen
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    The Queen
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    Princess Charlotte
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    Princess Charlotte
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    Prince Charles
    Via Getty / Chris Jackson
    Prince Charles
    Via Getty / Chris Jackson
    Zara Phillips
    Via Getty / Robert Prezioso
    Zara Phillips
    Via Getty / Robert Prezioso
    Prince William
    Via Getty / Richard Stonehouse
    Prince William
    Via Getty / Richard Stonehouse
    The Duchess of Cambridge
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    The Duchess of Cambridge
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    Prince Philip
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    Prince Philip
    Via Getty / WPA Pool
    Fergie
    Via Getty / Jamie McCarthy
    Fergie
    Via Getty / Jamie McCarthy
    Camilla
    Via Getty / Chris Jackson
    Camilla
    Via Getty / Chris Jackson
    Prince Andrew
    Via Getty / Alexander Koerner
    Prince Andrew
    Via Getty / Alexander Koerner
    Princess Anne
    Via Getty / Chris Jackson
    Princess Anne
    Via Getty / Chris Jackson

Which Member Of The British Royal Family Should You Get Drunk With?

You got: No! Prince William would show you dull, blurry baby photos.

After his third drink, he'd start to get emotional and pull out his phone. "This is...George...standing near a chair," he'd say, starting to get teary-eyed. "He loves chairs. I have 489 more of these. Oh no, my thumb's in the way there." No one needs to see that, William.

No! Prince William would show you dull, blurry baby photos. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! Kate would talk about helicopters all night.

"And another thing about helicopters," says Kate after her fourth glass of prosecco. "While earlier designs used more than one main rotor, modern helicopters use a single main rotor with anti-torque tail rotor configuration. You see, you have to remember that torque created as the engine turns the rotor causes the body of the helicopter to turn in the opposite direction to the rotor, so to eliminate this effect, some sort of anti-torque control must be used. There are three basic types: hingeless, fully articulated, and teetering; although some modern rotor systems use a combination of these. Have you seen my book about anti-torque systems? It's a riveting read. Hang on, I'll go and find it." *you run away*

No! Kate would talk about helicopters all night. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! Fergie would bang on about that one time she was on Friends.

"Matt was simply lovely. He looked so funny in that hat, you know, the one he got from Richard Branson? And the rest of them, well they were all simply lovely too. Jennifer lent me her lip gloss. Can you believe it? How lovely of her. Do you want some more red wine? No? What do you mean 'I have to leave now'? I haven't told you about my anecdote about David Schwimmer and Jennifer Saunders yet! She's lovely, by the way..."

No! Fergie would bang on about that one time she was on Friends.
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You got: No! Princess Anne would make you polish her saddle.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

No! Princess Anne would make you polish her saddle. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! The Queen would just make awkward jokes about not being dead.

How do you even respond to that?

No! The Queen would just make awkward jokes about not being dead. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! Prince Philip would spend the evening saying, well, you know.

He'd get drunk and say the kinds of things he always does. You know. The things. No one wants to hear those things.

No! Prince Philip would spend the evening saying, well, you know. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! Princess Charlotte is a tiny baby!

What is wrong with you? Hit refresh and try again.

No! Princess Charlotte is a tiny baby! Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! Prince Harry would make you listen to fucking Coldplay.

"Serishouly mate," he'd say, sloshing his pint all over the place. "Chris Martin's, like, the actual best. I mean, 'look at the stars, see how they shine for you'. How deep is that? How does he even come up with that shit? Legend."

No! Prince Harry would make you listen to fucking Coldplay. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! Camilla would get off her tits and tell you smutty stories about Charles!

Argh. No, please.

No! Camilla would get off her tits and tell you smutty stories about Charles! Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: Yes! Zara Phillips would get you wasted on gin and then let you try on her top hat.

And just think of the glorious selfies you could take with her horse. She'd keep bringing out the Tanqueray until you couldn't see straight, teach you her "Gangnam Style" dance, let you hold her Olympic medal, then send Mike out to buy you both a bunch of kebabs. It would be truly magical.

Yes! Zara Phillips would get you wasted on gin and then let you try on her top hat. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! Prince Charles would make you talk to his plants.

And lecture you about his plants. And insist you only drink Duchy of Cornwall organic free-range booze. It would be so boring your face would explode.

No! Prince Charles would make you talk to his plants. Tap to play GIF Tap to play GIF
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You got: No! Prince Andrew would make you hit yourself in the crotch with a rolling pin.

After 12 whiskies, he'd bring out his phone. "I fucking love Jackass", he'd say. "Hold still while I film this. It's going on YouTube."

No! Prince Andrew would make you hit yourself in the crotch with a rolling pin.
Twitter: @thedukeofyork
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