Prince HarryVia Getty / WPA PoolThe QueenVia Getty / WPA PoolPrincess CharlotteVia Getty / WPA PoolPrince CharlesVia Getty / Chris JacksonZara PhillipsVia Getty / Robert PreziosoPrince WilliamVia Getty / Richard StonehouseThe Duchess of CambridgeVia Getty / WPA PoolPrince PhilipVia Getty / WPA PoolFergieVia Getty / Jamie McCarthyCamillaVia Getty / Chris JacksonPrince AndrewVia Getty / Alexander KoernerPrincess AnneVia Getty / Chris Jackson
Which Member Of The British Royal Family Should You Get Drunk With?
After his third drink, he'd start to get emotional and pull out his phone. "This is...George...standing near a chair," he'd say, starting to get teary-eyed. "He loves chairs. I have 489 more of these. Oh no, my thumb's in the way there." No one needs to see that, William.
"And another thing about helicopters," says Kate after her fourth glass of prosecco. "While earlier designs used more than one main rotor, modern helicopters use a single main rotor with anti-torque tail rotor configuration. You see, you have to remember that torque created as the engine turns the rotor causes the body of the helicopter to turn in the opposite direction to the rotor, so to eliminate this effect, some sort of anti-torque control must be used. There are three basic types: hingeless, fully articulated, and teetering; although some modern rotor systems use a combination of these. Have you seen my book about anti-torque systems? It's a riveting read. Hang on, I'll go and find it." *you run away*
"Matt was simply lovely. He looked so funny in that hat, you know, the one he got from Richard Branson? And the rest of them, well they were all simply lovely too. Jennifer lent me her lip gloss. Can you believe it? How lovely of her. Do you want some more red wine? No? What do you mean 'I have to leave now'? I haven't told you about my anecdote about David Schwimmer and Jennifer Saunders yet! She's lovely, by the way..."
Ain't nobody got time for that.
How do you even respond to that?
He'd get drunk and say the kinds of things he always does. You know. The things. No one wants to hear those things.
What is wrong with you? Hit refresh and try again.
"Serishouly mate," he'd say, sloshing his pint all over the place. "Chris Martin's, like, the actual best. I mean, 'look at the stars, see how they shine for you'. How deep is that? How does he even come up with that shit? Legend."
Argh. No, please.
And just think of the glorious selfies you could take with her horse. She'd keep bringing out the Tanqueray until you couldn't see straight, teach you her "Gangnam Style" dance, let you hold her Olympic medal, then send Mike out to buy you both a bunch of kebabs. It would be truly magical.
And lecture you about his plants. And insist you only drink Duchy of Cornwall organic free-range booze. It would be so boring your face would explode.
After 12 whiskies, he'd bring out his phone. "I fucking love Jackass", he'd say. "Hold still while I film this. It's going on YouTube."