1. Firstly, your ancestors are all from here anyway.
2. And we don't do weird stuff to our chips.
If you move to Canada, you'll have to eat poutine, which – if photographic evidence is to be believed – is burnt fries with sick and gravy. In Scotland, our chips are big fluffy, golden-brown and, crucially, covered in salt and vinegar, not vomit.
3. We share your approach to portion sizes.
4. And we love deep-fried food just as much as you do.
You guys deep-fry lasagne, we regularly deep-fry pizza. It's a match made in heaven.
5. Scotland is much, much less cold than Canada.
6. Plus if you do get a wee bit nippy, you can just head to the pub for a winter warmer.
7. If you move here, you'll be much further away from Donald Trump.
8. Plus we've pretty much banned him from coming to the country if he gets elected.
9. Fuck maple syrup: We use whisky as a condiment.
10. We don't have any bears, wolves, or other species that could kill you.
11. In fact, our wildlife is much more relaxed in general.
12. You like rude number plates? So do we!
You'll grow to love the word "bawbag" if you move here, by the way.
13. And we pretty much share a sense of humour.
Especially when it comes to undermining official signs.
14. You'll enjoy our approach to drinking.
15. We're just as sweary as you are, unlike Canadians.
16. And we have a similar approach to fighting terrorism.
The U.S. Marines forgot to boot their terrorist in the balls though. Rookie error.
17. Both of our countries have excellent buy-one-get-one-free offers.
You really will feel right at home.