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19 Reasons Americans Should Move To Scotland If Trump Is Elected

Why would you move to Canada? Scotland and America are almost the same country.

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1. Firstly, your ancestors are all from here anyway. / Creative Commons

Come, reclaim your lost lands! We've moved away from the Highlands because we wanted to be able to get Ocado home delivery, so there's plenty of space.

2. And we don't do weird stuff to our chips.

If you move to Canada, you'll have to eat poutine, which – if photographic evidence is to be believed – is burnt fries with sick and gravy. In Scotland, our chips are big fluffy, golden-brown and, crucially, covered in salt and vinegar, not vomit.


5. Scotland is much, much less cold than Canada.

Instagram: @colvster

Aye, it gets a bit baltic in winter, but not -40°C, ground-explodingly baltic. You can just put a jumper on and you'll be fine.

6. Plus if you do get a wee bit nippy, you can just head to the pub for a winter warmer.

Instagram: @rossi4u

Buckfast is a delightful, complex, and invigorating tonic wine, which lightens the spirits and cures all that ails ye. But don't drink too much or you'll go blind.

7. If you move here, you'll be much further away from Donald Trump.

Google Maps / BuzzFeed

Scotland is over 4,000 miles away from the continental U.S., unlike Canada, which actually touches it. Where would you rather be when Dictator Trump's stormtroopers swarm across the border to claim Canada as the 51st state?

8. Plus we've pretty much banned him from coming to the country if he gets elected. / Creative Commons

Well, he's banned from Screw It in Callander, anyway, plus Nicola Sturgeon joined calls to have him banned from the entire UK. It'll be a Trump-free zone.


9. Fuck maple syrup: We use whisky as a condiment.

Instagram: @zitazq

We even put it on our porridge in the morning, because we're that awesome.

10. We don't have any bears, wolves, or other species that could kill you.

In fact, nothing in Scotland will ever try to eat you. Apart from the midges, obviously. And (occasionally) the seagulls, but only in Aberdeen. So avoid Aberdeen.

11. In fact, our wildlife is much more relaxed in general.

please display baby seal on dashboard. if you lose your baby seal you will have to pay for a full day of parking.

Don't leave your car door open though; it's really hard to get rid of a seal infestation.


19. And, most importantly of all, Scottish milk doesn't come in fucking bags.

Have you seriously thought about how you'd cope with this travesty if you moved to Canada? Don't do it to yourselves, guys. Come to Bonnie Scotland instead.