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Posted on Nov 13, 2016

19 British Animals Who Deserve A Part On "Planet Earth II"

It's a disgrace that the wildlife series is ignoring our unique native breeds, like the majestic Mancunian fagpie, and the lesser-spotted chundergoose.

1. This London fox, which is attempting to steal a drunk man's trousers.

Twitter: @pattiejames

Many urban mammals take things from humans. This fox, for example, is trying to put together a decent outfit for his work night out next weekend.

2. And this fox, which is attempting to break into a Glasgow branch of Pizza Hut.

facebook.com

Foxes also scavenge for food. This one has been sent out to collect a Triple Treat 18-inch pizza by its mate, who ordered it on Just Eat half an hour ago.

3. This slug smoking a fag.

Twitter: @KarenStaughton

Even molluscs, the most humble of the planet's many creatures, possess a beauty and charm all of their own. They also look cool AF and very grown up.

4. These pigeons, who appear to be holding a job interview.

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Birds have incredibly large and complex flocks, and equally complex social systems in place to manage those hierarchies, like application forms and CVs.

5. The lesser-spotted chundergoose.

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These elusive, always hungover creatures are rarely seen in daylight, preferring to cry under duvets, and it's even more rare to see them mid-spew. Sublime.

6. The Welsh seagull who fell into a curry.

Vale Wildlife Hospital / Vale Wildlife Hospital/Solent

Gulls are truly amazing, majestic, and adaptable creatures. They can survive plunges into the iciest Antarctic seas, and the hottest tikka masalas.

7. The fox that decided to ride the tube.

Twitter: @pygmypanther

Aspects of a fox's life can be deeply stressful. This young male, for example, had his rent put up by Foxtons, and he's also late for work.

8. The serious beef sparrow.

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This aggressive bird species is very volatile, and can often be heard cawing threats along the lines of: "I heard what your Shell said about Keith at our nan's funeral. You're gonna get such a fucking kicking."

9. The weasel riding a confused kingfisher.

Martin Le-May

Weasels are constantly evolving and adapting. This one has downloaded a dodgy knock-off of Uber and is about to be charged £42 for a four-minute journey.

10. This queueing fox.

Twitter: @clivehol

Foxes live in a state of constant and intense rivalry with one another. This one is about to check his balance so he can see if he can afford some fancy new trainers. If he can't, he may well be bullied when he returns to his den.

11. The squirrel who got his head stuck in a Halloween mask.

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In order to evade predators British squirrels have learned many forms of camouflage, like burrowing in leaves, and buying cheap masks from Poundland.

12. This predatory goose.

Twitter: @yeskatrinaa

There are endless, wonderful, inspiring varieties of birds. Even geese have a variety of subspecies. This goose, for example, is a prick.

13. This seagull with his head stuck in a takeaway box.

Facebook: QualityZee

In an elaborate and unique ritual, Aberdeen seagulls buy kebabs for the females of their species, usually on a Saturday night. This seagull's potential mate clearly wasn't that fond of hers, and smacked him round the head with it.

14. These pigeons eating KFC.

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Similarly, London pigeons attempt to woo potential partners with fried chicken. Here we see a male attempt to seduce his mate with KFC. Sadly, he fails. She prefers Nando's.

15. This crisp-eating fox.

Twitter: @NiallBurns77

Foxes are reclusive, unless they hear someone dropping a bag of Sweet Chilli Walkers Sensations, then they'll be all over you like a hairy ginger rash.

16. And this crisp-stealing seagull.

BBC / youtube.com / BuzzFeed

Due to fierce competition for resources, it's thought that in 10 years' time 99% of species on Earth will be forced to shoplift Doritos to survive. A sad thought.

17. This fare-dodging pigeon.

Twitter: @erasmios

As many people know, a large number of bird species migrate to warmer climates for winter. This pigeon, for example, is travelling down to London on a Virgin train.

18. This majestic fagpie.

Twitter: @WillMcHoebag

This spectacularly beautiful bird is only found in Manchester, and conservationists are worried that the increasing price of B&H, not to mention its chronic lung problems, will see it driven to extinction within the next few years.

19. And, of course, this terrapin riding a very dead fox.

Facebook: shitlondon

And here, we see a terrapin using a rotting fox as a raft. Rarely before has such an inspiring sight been seen on these rolling, green, and pleasant isles. Truly, we as a nation are blessed by the incredible bounty of our beautiful wildlife.

*Wipes away awed tears*

Bravo, Britain. Bravo.

Facebook: shitlondon / BBC / BuzzFeed

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