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21 Signs You're Completely Obsessed With Alton Towers

Alton Towers is the largest - and arguably the best- theme park in the UK. Here are 21 signs you're obsessed with it.

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1. This is how you reacted whenever you found out you were going to Alton Towers as a kid.


As soon as you finished celebrating, you'd immediately go and wait in the car (despite the fact you weren't setting off for another two weeks).

3. You have a recurring nightmare about arriving too late to go on any of the rides...

20th Century Fox / Via

"Maybe if I run I'll have time to go on Air. Aargh! The park keeps changing shape and the zombies from Duel are chasing me and everything's closing!"


8. You plan every visit as strategically as a military commander.

20th Century Fox / Via

'We have to hit the water rides as soon as we arrive so we have time to dry off before the lunchtime rush at Forbidden Valley! ANY FOOL KNOWS THAT.'


13. You have a copy of every version of the park map dating back to 1981. / Via

Some of the (rather tame) original attractions included a parrot show, nature trails and a Dolls House Museum. Who needs Rita: Queen of Speed when you could have a lovely, soothing trip on a miniature railway instead?

14. You miss the Swan Boats so much that you bought one on eBay. / Via

Though of course, you never actually went on them because they were far too boring. The Swan Boats were in service from 1987 to 2003. Approximately three people used them during that time.


18. Unlike most people, you actually visit the gardens.

wfmillar / Creative Commons / Via

Even though they were designed by famous 18th century landscape architect Capability Brown, the gardens at Alton Towers are usually empty. Ain't nobody got time for a walk in the park when they've spent £48 to go on the rides. Apart from you, of course, because you have an annual pass.


20. You love Nemesis so much you would live on it - and eat all your meals on it- if you could.

BBC / Via

You also measure how good a day you had by the number of times you managed to ride Nemesis. "Remember when we went on it 14 times in a row and you were sick into the weird red water?" "Yeah, that was awesome."

21. By the end of the day, your feet are so sore you finally agree to use the Skyride...

coasterollie / Via

...despite the fact that it's the scariest ride at Alton Towers due to its habit of repeatedly breaking down and catching on fire. HUMANS WERE NEVER SUPPOSED TO GO SO HIGH.

Final note: by 'largest', we're referring to the physical size of the park (800 acres), rather than the number of rides. Blackpool Pleasure Beach has slightly more, but none of them are as good as the Squirrel Nutty Treetop Adventure.

Your move, Pleasure Beach.