17 Reasons We’re Late

There are two types of people in this world: punctual, organised people who always set off early because (let’s face it) they’re pessimistic, and happy, positive people who set off with moments to spare because (let’s face it) we’re idiots. This is why we’re late.

1. We’re far too optimistic.

Get from Liverpool to Manchester in the next half hour? No problem…let me just find that jetpack and I’ll be right there! No, of course I won’t be late.

2. We took on far too much.

Sure, I can help you out with that! And you! Yes, I can do that too. In fact, I’m sure I can manage to fit in all of these things before I have to meet my wife at 5… oh crap, it’s midnight.

3. You said it was ok!

“It’s ok, hey, no rush. Just arrive whenever suits you. Anytime is fine, we’re totally breezy…”

4. The traffic was terrible.

…also, there was a giant dog on the motorway.

5. We’re so involved in our work that we don’t realise the time.

Right, I have to leave really soon. I’ll just check my email for five minutes….oops.

6. We fell asleep.

Dude, I don’t know what happened. I was about to leave and then I was all like…zzz.

7. We got super drunk.

Sorry we didn’t make it to your wedding until midnight, we decided to pre-load to save money, but we took it too far and ended up peeing ourselves in a Burger King at 3pm.

8. We got into a fight.

It’s ok though. You should see the other guy.

9. Our childcare arrangements fell through.

For the love of God. PLEASE…..send us a babysitter. Anyone will do.

Is Lindsay Lohan free?

10. You’ll never believe the morning we’ve had.

It was like, just crazy. Everything went wrong. We forgot how to milk.

11. We changed our mind.

I mean, your Here Comes Honey Boo Boo viewing party sounded fun when we accepted the event invite but now….damn, why didn’t we put ‘maybe’?

Oh, that’s right. We were super drunk.

12. There was a death in the family.

…or twelve.

13. We had to cheer up our friend.

Sorry mum, I know it’s Christmas Day but…Ladonica left him. Can you believe that? They were so good together. Poor guy.

We’re going out to do Jaegerbombs.

14. We totally forgot.

At first we were like, ‘mmm grass’. Then we were like ‘Oh no. Dave’s funeral!’.

15. We’re really stressed out just now.

It’s been a hectic week. We couldn’t find a jetpack shop, then we got in a fight, then we forgot how to milk…

We just, don’t even…

16. We got a bit lost.

Wait..is that…a polar bear?

17. Late? What do you mean, late?

Don’t you know who we are?

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