1.
We'll run faster because we'll be wearing flats when the zombies come.
2.
Even if we're shit at running from hungry cannibals, we can just take bigger steps.
3.
We're used to cramped spaces because all spaces are cramped spaces.
4.
We can reach the last can of tinned food on the otherwise entirely wiped-out shelf.
5.
Our looting technique will be fast and practical.
6.
Basically, we're just way better at adapting.
7.
The world was never made in our size to begin with and we're used to it.
8.
We can win an argument simply by standing up.
9.
(The reason no one wants to fight us is because we fight like this.)
10.
We're so used to people saying "So, what's the weather like up there?" that we can spot who's gonna be a dick in like five seconds.
11.
We can see enemies approaching because our heads are periscopes.
12.
Umbrellas + Oxford Street have taught us how to defend ourselves during apocalyptic warfare.
13.
Years of banging our heads on low doorways have increased our pain threshold to superheroic heights.
14.
If the apocalypse is a bit floody, our heads will remain above water longer than the rest of the population.
15.
Futurama predicted the future and in that future we rule our own planet.
16.
And finally, The Jeff Goldblum Tall Person Apocalypse Survival Theory. It goes like this:
Jeff Goldblum made a film about us.
Jeff Goldblum also made a film about flies, and flies have survived for millions of years so by that maths we’re going to be totally fine.
But Jeff Goldblum also made a film about dinosaurs.
So even if this apocalypse goes badly for us, we will be resurrected at a later date by Richard Attenborough.
