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16 Reasons Why Tall People Are Better Prepared For The Apocalypse

Our daily struggle is preparation enough for the end of the world. The end is (Bill) Nigh(y).

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1. We'll run faster because we'll be wearing flats when the zombies come. / Via

But we'll lose some of our people because fashion shows. R.I.P.

2. Even if we're shit at running from hungry cannibals, we can just take bigger steps.

Full House / Warner Bros. Televison / Via

None of this.

3. We're used to cramped spaces because all spaces are cramped spaces.

The Simpsons / 20th Century Fox

If life or death depends on a waiting game: we got this, legroom or no legroom.

4. We can reach the last can of tinned food on the otherwise entirely wiped-out shelf.

Beauty and the Beast / Disney

All those hours helping old ladies in Sainsburys were leading to you enjoying some tinned peaches with a small boy you've adopted as your apocalypse son.

5. Our looting technique will be fast and practical.

Arrested Development / Fox / Via

Since we never found jeans long enough, we never expect to. The apocalypse will be our moment, fashion-wise.

6. Basically, we're just way better at adapting.

Rambo: First Blood / Orion Pictures / Via

When we loot the shop for shoes and they only have size 7s we will MacGyver an alternative because we fucking knew this would happen, it fucking always happens.

7. The world was never made in our size to begin with and we're used to it.

30 Rock / NBC / Via

Ill-fitting shoes is what created the X-Men.

8. We can win an argument simply by standing up.

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalo / Touchstone Pictures / Via BuzzFeed

We will be appointed leaders of our respective apocalypse tribes because no one will want to fight us.

9. (The reason no one wants to fight us is because we fight like this.)

Discovery Channel /

10. We're so used to people saying "So, what's the weather like up there?" that we can spot who's gonna be a dick in like five seconds.

Orange Is The New Black / Netflix / Via

Your apocalypse team will be the crème de la crème. No filler.

11. We can see enemies approaching because our heads are periscopes.

The IT Crowd / Channel 4 / Via

Transferable Glastonbury skills.

12. Umbrellas + Oxford Street have taught us how to defend ourselves during apocalyptic warfare.

The Matrix / Warner Bros. / Via

13. Years of banging our heads on low doorways have increased our pain threshold to superheroic heights.

Pirates of the Caribbean / Walt Disney / Via

14. If the apocalypse is a bit floody, our heads will remain above water longer than the rest of the population.

Waterworld / Universal Pictures / Via

You'll be Kevin Costner drinking his own piss on a raft in no time.

15. Futurama predicted the future and in that future we rule our own planet.

Futurama / 20th Century Fox / Via

Our New World Order will proclaim Matt Groening as some kind of prophet.

16. And finally, The Jeff Goldblum Tall Person Apocalypse Survival Theory. It goes like this:

Jeff Goldblum made a film about us.

The Tall Guy / Miramax Films / Via

Jeff Goldblum also made a film about flies, and flies have survived for millions of years so by that maths we’re going to be totally fine.

The Fly / 20th Century Fox / Via

But Jeff Goldblum also made a film about dinosaurs.

Jurassic Park / Universal Pictures / Via

So even if this apocalypse goes badly for us, we will be resurrected at a later date by Richard Attenborough.

Jurassic Park / Universal Pictures / Via
Parks and Recreation / Universal Television / Via