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Just A Reminder That All Of Rory's Boyfriends Were Terrible

In case you forgot.

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If you're a Gilmore Girls fan, then you probably know that all three of Rory's boyfriends in the series were 100% trash.

It was a coming-of-age story, after all, and it's basically not possible to come of age without running into some grade-A twats along the way.
Warner Bros. / BuzzFeed

It was a coming-of-age story, after all, and it's basically not possible to come of age without running into some grade-A twats along the way.

No shade to Rory for her choices: Sometimes a girl's gotta get the D where she can.

But before the next series comes out on 25 November, let's remind ourselves how shitty these boys were, lest we forget, or allow our nostalgia to cloud that fact.
Warner Bros.

But before the next series comes out on 25 November, let's remind ourselves how shitty these boys were, lest we forget, or allow our nostalgia to cloud that fact.

It all started with the biggest crydick in all of Stars Hollow, Dean.

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Dean was the kind of guy who'd whine that Rory didn't want to spend every waking moment with him, cause every now and then she had, I dunno, HOMEWORK TO DO.

She probably also needed a break every now and then from your insufferable pouting, m8.
Warner Bros.

She probably also needed a break every now and then from your insufferable pouting, m8.

Did Dean understand that humans need space? Nope.

No, he thought that the right thing to do with girls was to call them 100 times a night and then sulk behind his hair curtains if she didn't answer.
Warner Bros.

No, he thought that the right thing to do with girls was to call them 100 times a night and then sulk behind his hair curtains if she didn't answer.

Dean often found it hard to understand basic concepts.

LISTEN, Dean, sometimes a girl's got to stay in and wash her delicates, ok?
Warner Bros. / Via bubbeleh.wordpress.com

LISTEN, Dean, sometimes a girl's got to stay in and wash her delicates, ok?

Dean's whole vibe was, "Oooh, I'm Deaaan, I'm just a nice guy, breaking up with you by yelling at you in front of the entire town."

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"Yeah, I'm a niiiiice guy, makin' you cry."

"Why don't you love me for how nice I am????"
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"Why don't you love me for how nice I am????"

"I'm a niiiice guy, wearing a terrible shirt, growing out my curtains, getting married to someone else even though I'm still in love with you."

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"I'm a niiiiice guy growing a shit moustache."

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"I'm a niiiiice guy, cheating on my wife while she's at home learning how to cook for me cause she feels pressured by traditional conceptions of marital roles, but it's totally fine, cause I'm a niiiiiiiice guuuuuuuuy."

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Into the dustbin of history with you and your curtains and your terrible shirt, Dean. Your services are no longer required.

Begone. Farewell.
Warner Bros.

Begone. Farewell.

Then we had this piece of crap.

"Oh nooooo," I hear you saying. "But Jess was so dreeeammmyyyyyy!"
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"Oh nooooo," I hear you saying. "But Jess was so dreeeammmyyyyyy!"

Well lemme break it to you, fools: All of Rory's boyfriends were trash, and that includes Jess, the Kerouac wannabe crybaby weenus.

Like, fine, it's fine that Rory dated him – who among us wasn't sexually awakened by a leather jacket? – but ultimately he was whiny, shouty, disrespectful, and completely obsessed with maintaining his air of aloof danger at the expense of the feelings of literally everyone around him.
Warner Bros.

Like, fine, it's fine that Rory dated him – who among us wasn't sexually awakened by a leather jacket? – but ultimately he was whiny, shouty, disrespectful, and completely obsessed with maintaining his air of aloof danger at the expense of the feelings of literally everyone around him.

His entire vibe was basically "I don't go to winter carnivals 'cause I'm way too bad for winter carnivals."

"Winter carnivals torment my troubled spirit."
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"Winter carnivals torment my troubled spirit."

"I don't want Chinese food; I'm too bad for Chinese food."

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"I'm rude to my uncle who took me in 'cause that's what bad guys do."

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"I'm so much smarter than everyone in my high school. I only flunked out 'cause I'm misunderstood."

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"In fact, I read books in Washington Square Park when I'm meant to be in school 'cause I'm just so bad."

"It's a bit chilly out here but my love of reading things that weren't on the syllabus keeps me warm."
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"It's a bit chilly out here but my love of reading things that weren't on the syllabus keeps me warm."

"I make girls laugh while their boyfriends look on sadly through diner windows 'cause I'm baaaad."

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"Hey, is that your mom? Cool, I'm gonna drink her beer and be incredibly rude to her 'cause I'm just so bad."

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"I'm gonna literally crash your car cause I'm also a bad driver."

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"Why didn't I call you all weekend? 'Cause I'm bad."

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"Why did I abandon you without saying goodbye or explaining an important thing that happened in my life that caused me to make this decision? 'Cause I'm bad."

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"Why did I call you all the time after I abandoned you but never say anything? 'Cause I'm bad."

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"Why am I wearing a leather jacket on the beach in California in summer? 'Cause I'm BAD, okay?????"

"Nice guys wear weather-appropriate clothing, and I'm not a nice guy, I'm a bad guy, didn't you hear???????"
Warner Bros.

"Nice guys wear weather-appropriate clothing, and I'm not a nice guy, I'm a bad guy, didn't you hear???????"

Anyway. Despite all this badness, Jess is probably the least trash of Rory's trash ex boyfriends, 'cause at least he got his shit together in the end!

He wrote a book! It was probably terrible, but it must have taken a lot of work. He was nice and a bit self-deprecating about it all, and even credited Rory for her good influence on him.
Warner Bros.

He wrote a book! It was probably terrible, but it must have taken a lot of work. He was nice and a bit self-deprecating about it all, and even credited Rory for her good influence on him.

He even helped run a little art collective and bookshop-type thing with shit poetry readings while maintaining a sense of dignity and self-awareness.

He also learned to rock the T-shirt/suit jacket look, which, while not ideal, is much better than the horrendous vomit-green polo shirt number Dean was wearing at the same age.
Warner Bros.

He also learned to rock the T-shirt/suit jacket look, which, while not ideal, is much better than the horrendous vomit-green polo shirt number Dean was wearing at the same age.

Maybe Rory could have gone for it and they could have been a power couple in the literary world.

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They would have been arty, but not too arty, and would pass their evenings laughing about the good old days when he was a leather jacket-wearing prick.

BUT NOOO, RORY DIDN'T DO THAT, CAUSE SHE WAS TOO IN LOVE WITH THIS HUMAN SCUM FOR SOME REASON.

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Was there ever a slimier twat in television than young Logan Huntzberger?

Nope, there wasn't.
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Nope, there wasn't.

This is a guy whose favourite party trick was dehumanising Rory's other love interests for not being wealthy.

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There are a couple red flags that Rory should have spotted. For example, the "My Favourite Pastime Is Putting on a Tuxedo and Being a Wanker in a Remote Field" red flag.

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Then there was the "Yelling At You in Public About How Hard It Is to Be Unimaginably Wealthy" red flag.

"It's not my fault I hate the poor! Why do they have to be so poor all the time??"
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"It's not my fault I hate the poor! Why do they have to be so poor all the time??"

There was also the "Constantly Getting Blackout Drunk, Pissing Away Money, and Falling Over in the Street Shrieking Into the Sky" red flag.

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And the "Sleeping With 8,000 Bridesmaids in the Space of a Week Cause I Was a Bit Sad" red flag.

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And of course, the "I'm A Selfish Fuck Who Will Pressure You to Marry Me in Front of All Your Friends and Family at Your Graduation Party" red flag.

That's a BIG red flag, ladies.
Warner Bros.

That's a BIG red flag, ladies.

So long then, Logan. Hopefully Rory calls you a prick someday in her Pulitzer acceptance speech.

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And so long to all of you whiners.

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Here's hoping Rory finds a mores sustainable source of D in the new series.