Good morning, America! We're going to tell you about a thing that happened in London today, even though it's really, really embarrassing.
Basically, there was a naval battle on the Thames. That's the river running through the middle of London, for those of you who have never visited this baffling, uncomfortable country we call home.
It happened because of the EU referendum. Perhaps you haven't heard about this yet, because you are very, very lucky.
The tl;dr of the EU referendum is that next week British people are voting on whether they want the UK to leave or remain in the European Union. The EU currently has 28 member states, most of which share a currency and freedom of movement.
So. Today the two sides in this debate – "Leave" and "Remain" – GOT IN A BUNCH OF BOATS AND TOOK TO THE WATER. THEN LEAVE SHOT REMAIN WITH WATER HOSES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE THAMES WHILE REMAIN BLARED TERRIBLE MUSIC.
It all started when a flotilla of pro-Leave craft – mostly fishing vessels – gathered at sea and then steamed up the Thames Estuary towards London, in order to make a point.
Of course, the pro-Remain side would not stand for this incursion into their territory. So naturally they sent their own boat with former Boomtown Rats singer and prominent philanthropist Bob Geldof in it, to harrass the oncoming Leave fleet.
Here's Geldof, surrounded by supporters, making what is in Britain a very rude hand gesture.
As time went on, the Remain forces grew in strength while the Leave flotilla drew ever closer. The Remain craft tried to gain a psychological advantage by playing pop music loudly at their enemies.
And this is the "admiral" of the Leave flotilla. His name is Nigel Farage, and he's the leader of the UK Independence Party, which, as its name suggests, wants us to get out of the European Union.
He's a bit of a...controversial figure in Britain.
Anyway, eventually the sides clashed – and one of the most important political decisions in modern UK history came down to a bunch of angry fishermen spraying a singer from the 1980s with water.
War is hell.
Here's a pro-Leave fishing boat. Lots of people in the fishing industry think we should leave the European Union, which regulates what they can and can't fish.
And here we have another one of the pro-Leave boats, bearing a sign expressing concern about the threat of the EU to British sovereignty.
Of course, this is not London's first floating protest.
It helps that the House of Commons backs on to the Thames, so that one's elected representatives have a clear view of one's floating protests.
Anyway, as the day went on, things got really out of hand.
There was boat-ramming.
Greenpeace got involved.
Lots of people came out to watch the mayhem and support their side.
Nigel Farage and his fellow Brexiteers were very proud.
But mostly the whole thing was very, very strange.
So just remember, America, you don't have a monopoly on weird, awful politics.