Every Type Of Guy Who Has Ever Existed
These are the only men that have ever existed.
1. The type of guy who constantly asks you if you're cold, and says things like "I will always keep you warm" with a faraway look that makes you think he doesn't actually care if you're cold.
2. The type of guy who will never commit to a plan with you but will text you at 1am with a vague "Where are you ;)?"
3. The type of guy who holds open doors for you and then feels hurt when you don't look into his eyes lovingly afterwards.
4. The type of guy who has built an entire personality around his opinions about coffee.
5. The type of guy who's surprised when a woman orders an ale, and so asks her opinions of the 2004 batch of "Old Man's Nails" from a microbrewery in Walthamstow.
6. The type of guy who reads in public places and holds up the book so that everyone passing by will take note of his love for difficult literature.
7. The type of guy who calls himself metrosexual because he moisturises.
8. The type of guy who gets on really, really well with your mum, so you keep dating him longer than you probably should, cause you know your mum would be heartbroken if you split up.
9. The type of guy with a twinkle in his eye.
10. The type of guy who doesn't change his sheets often, but they're a certain shade of navy blue so you can never really tell how dirty they are.
11. The type of guy who asks if you're on a diet when you order a salad.
12. The type of guy who visited Thailand once and has worn thin white linen shirts ever since.
13. The type of guy who talks about movies a lot and then says "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THAT FILM, YOU HAVEN'T LIVED!" when you haven't seen a film.
14. The type of guy who says "you don't need to show off to me" when you mention something you did well today, as if you were saying it to try and impress him, instead of just talking about your fucking life.
15. The type of guy who rides a £1,000 road bike for his 25-minute commute to work.
16. The type of guy who wears Lycra leggings on his 25-minute cycle to work.
17. The type of guy who says "I don't really watch TV."
18. The type of guy with a puka shell necklace.
19. The type of guy who wants to order for you.
20. The type of guy who spends his whole weekend rock climbing and would love if you came with him some time so he could show you the ropes.
21. The type of guy who is so French it's unbelievable.
22. The type of guy with a really fluffy, friendly cat.
23. The type of guy who shows you pictures of his fluffy, friendly cat.
24. The type of guy who shows you pictures of his fluffy, friendly cat, who you marry in the spring.
25. The type of guy who is so naturally sexy that he is incapable of having a platonic interaction. Like he could ask you, "Do you know where the bathroom is?" and it would somehow be an erotic experience. You suspect it's something about his slightly squinty eyes.
26. The type of guy who always offers you a cigarette even though he knows you don't smoke, and you suspect it's because he wants to draw you to the dark side.
27. The type of guy who tries to impress you by driving too fast or revving his engine too much.
28. The type of guy who wears a satchel and thinks that's progressive.
29. The type of guy who gets mad that you won't have sex with him cause he spent the whole night talking about how much he's a feminist.
30. The type of guy who breaks up with you because he thinks "you seem to want a real relationship and I'm just not ready for that" even though you were just interested in hooking up with him for a little while, and even that wasn't great.
31. The type of guy who wears his jeans halfway down his arse and spends 90% of his time adjusting the belt across his bum.
32. The type of guy who makes a big show of getting the spiciest option on the menu, then has an argument with the waiter that his food wasn't actually spicy enough.
33. The type of guy who scratches his balls in public.
34. The type of guy who Snapchats you pictures of really great dogs with no comment.
35. The type of guy who is handsome or intelligent, but you know you could never tell him so because of what it would do to his ego.
36. The type of guy who has no chill while kissing.
37. The type of guy who calls house music "good music".
38. The type of guy who says "you're not like other girls", which makes you wonder if he has literally ever spoken to another woman before.
39. The type of guy you'd really like to stalk, but almost never updates Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
40. The type of guy whose hands look really good when he's cooking.
41. The type of guy who pours himself a glass of whiskey, but doesn't finish it, so puts a bit of cellophane over the top so it doesn't go to waste.
42. The type of guy who just seems to be really good at his job, you know? And you respect that. He's just great and doing his job. A solid employee.
43. The type of guy who always finds a way to bring up where he went to university.
44. The type of guy who just needs some loving.