This may not come as a surprise to *literally anyone* who has ever had a job, but not all workplaces are very professional environments. From bizarre coworker encounters to actual HR nightmares, some companies seem to run on chaos. Many BuzzFeed Community members graciously shared their unhinged work stories with us, and we thought you'd like to give 'em a read, too. Strap in, y'all; it's wild out here:
1. "I used to work in a department store. One day, a guy decided to go into the dressing room and put on 10 pairs of underwear. Yes, 10 pairs — layered on top of each other — then put on his pants and tried to leave the store, taking all his stolen underwear with him. Of course, it was very clear to the loss prevention officer in store that something was up when he saw this guy literally waddling toward the exit of the store. Once he was spotted, he managed to waddle-run quickly out, chased by three staff members who quickly caught him and dragged him back into store to await the police. Unfortunately, all the pairs of underwear had to be written off due to hygiene risks."
2. "I worked in an inpatient hospital unit. We had a bathroom in the employee locker room which was code-accessed, meaning only staff could get in. Well, one of our coworkers apparently crapped themselves on the clock and instead of throwing out the underwear, WASHED THEM IN THE SINK AND THEN HUNG THEM THERE TO DRY. This happened TWICE within, like, two weeks. Of course, no one confessed. Our manager went so wild after the second incident that she legitimately started asking suspected female employees to prove they had underwear on, which, of course, resulted in everyone reporting her to HR. It never happened again, but it was a really weird two weeks, and even more distressing that we WORKED IN A DAMN HOSPITAL."
3. "Floral designer here. In the middle of winter, a guy came into the shop and seemed polite and fine from a distance. My coworker approached him, and his whole penis was out. His excuse? 'Oh, sorry, I just left Wendy’s.'"
4. "We had a wild weasel come into our kitchen/deli. It ran all around and bit the specialty cheese lady on the ankle. She had to have rabies shots."
5. "At my previous job, we had a customer who smelled terrible. It was so intense that I could smell it on my clothes after leaving work. We were convinced he had rotting meat in his backpack. Eventually, we got enough complaints that my boss had to talk to him. She said something like, 'Maybe you haven’t noticed, but there’s a strong odor that seems like it’s coming from your backpack.' And he said, 'Oh, that’s probably my bad toe,' and then, he took off his shoe and showed her."
6. "In my office, there have been many toilet 'incidents.' The three that stand out are: the woman who pooped a small amount on each toilet seat, rendering the toilets unusable, the person who packed a huge poo and a whole corporate roll of toilet paper into the toilet, setting a trap for the next person (the toilet exploded on the next flush), and the whole pie shoved into the toilet bowl."
7. "While working in retail, I found a used pad under a bench in one of the changing rooms. It was before opening one day, so I have no clue whose it was or why it was there, especially considering the bathrooms were literally right next to our store."
8. "I work retail, and one time, a customer, out of the blue, taught me how to take down an alligator if I needed to. We both live in Maine."
9. "I worked in a government laboratory that handled virology, microbiology, etc. We had multiple emails about people smearing poop on walls. These were all people who were supposed to be the most educated and professional. Guess not."
10. "I had an employee fake a violent robbery instead of just not coming in. That was fun. She got caught and fired."
—Justin K., Facebook
11. "A woman apparently dropped her gun in the bathroom, and it went off, shooting a bullet into the break room. None of us knew! We only found out because a former employee whose boyfriend still worked there asked the lady what happened."
12. "I used to work at a supermarket. Each cash register had its own garbage can, and I worked nights, so I’d usually take out the garbage. One night, I picked up the garbage can to move it out from under the register, and it was much heavier than I thought it would be. I looked inside, and there was an entire watermelon in there. Completely intact, not expired or spoiled. This happened two more times while I worked there, and it was always at my register. Someone kept throwing whole watermelons into my garbage. I don’t know why."
13. "I used to work at one of those large farm stores that had an auto shop attached to it. A customer was mad that one of the techs couldn't just fix his tire that had a hole the size of a toddler's fist in it, so he crapped in the urinal. The customer them bragged to one of the cashiers about it. His face dropped when she pointed out that the tech didn't have to clean it up, so he was punishing innocent people who weren't involved in the situation at all."
14. "I worked in HR for about 20 years. One of my employers had a gym set up in the building for employee use. An employee thought it would be a good idea to learn how to ride his new unicycle on the treadmill. In a different incident, the CEO thought it would be fun to play with the balance ball on the treadmill. It shot off the back and hit him...hard."
—April K., Facebook
15. Finally: "I was in retail, and I have some poop horror stories. There was a lady who was taking forever in the dressing room. She pooped and used her old clothes to wipe herself and hide said poop. She came out in new items, tags ripped off. That was a fun one to clean up. She did get busted because the idiot KEPT SHOPPING. There was also the dad who couldn't wait to get into the bathroom so he just let his kid crap in the middle of the toy aisle with people watching. I walked past and saw the kid's butt and poop everywhere. Cool."
Wowza. Today, I'm feeling extra grateful for remote work. Do you have a wild workplace encounter that belongs here? Tell us in the comments!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.