First dates are all about first impressions. Even a bad first impression filled with red flags can be helpful in determining whether or not someone is worth going out with again.
We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about red flags they've noticed while on a first date. Some shared wild stories of dates gone wrong, and others provided warnings of "red flag" behavior to watch out for. Here are their responses:
1. "He showed up to our first date (and our first time meeting in person) with HIS 5-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER! And, he proceeded to tell her that I was going to be around for a while because 'Daddy really likes this one.' I babysat her while he devoured his Chick-fil-A. I bolted as soon as I could."
—rachadach23
2. "If you’re having a discussion on 'type' and all their answers are all entirely looks-based with no personality traits thrown in, even basic ones like kind, sweet, funny, etc., more than likely you’re just a type of fetish. They’ll drop you for anyone else who looks the same or if anything about you changes."
3. "He told me a story about traveling in South America. Great, I love a well-travelled person. Then, he said he contemplated eating human flesh while he was there. Nope. Nope nope nope."
4. "If they’re late for the first date, it shows a lack of consideration for the other person. Being late happens, but my rule of thumb is: if they’re over 15 minutes late and they don't let you know before you were supposed to meet, leave."
—Anonymous
5. "Last time I was asked on a date, we didn't even get to the actual date. We had arranged to go for coffee one afternoon, and that morning he sent me a message asking if we were still on. I replied yes, coffee was still on, and all was well. Then, half an hour or so later, I got another message asking yet again if I was still coming, and I replied yes again. He proceeded to send three more messages with the same question at similar intervals. To the last one, I responded that I was still planning on it, but the constant questioning was off-putting and beginning to make me reconsider. He cancelled the date and blocked me within minutes. His reasoning was that he'd been single for *months* and, therefore, could not contain himself."
"Dude, you are in your 30s and a grown adult. Pestering people is never a good look, and I called you out on it. The solution would be to apologize and stop the behavior so everybody can move on. Or, you can also choose to be dramatic, I guess. That was supposed be my first date in over four years! Maybe next year. 😅"
6. "It's not a good sign if they don't have a single idea for what to do for your date. Deciding on a restaurant or a movie with your date is fine, as long as you know sort of what your plan is. Meeting up and being like 'What now?' is no good."
7. "I once went on a date with a man who took me to a bar where he claimed to be a regular who all the bartenders knew. The first red flag was that it was a pretty grimy bar, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. The bartenders did recognize him, however they seemed to be going out of their way to avoid him. As a server passed by, he reached out to physically grab her and she recoiled. It was just painful to watch, and I promptly excused myself and left. Obviously he didn’t treat staff with respect, and that’s a maaajor red flag for me."
8. "Red Flag: 'I love your name, definitely something I would name my kids.' *Proceeds to tell me all the other names he wants to name his future children.*"
—avechisholm
9. "HE BROUGHT HIS CAT ON THE DATE. The last text message I ever got from him said, 'If you don't understand the relationship between me and my cat, never contact me again.' Needless to say, I didn't."
—Anonymous
10. "Wanting to get too serious too quickly is a red flag. 'I want to show my mom a picture of us.' Oof."
—Anonymous
11. "I went out with this guy for like two weeks. He was adamant on paying for everything, and at first I thought he was just being really nice, but then I honestly started feeling uncomfortable. I told him about it and he laughed it off and said that I should 'get comfortable' with him paying for everything. The last time we went out, I told the waiter I was paying for my food and all was fine until he got up mid-dinner and said he was going to the bathroom. He came back and we finished our food, but when I asked for the bill, the waiter told me my date had already paid for everything. Turns out he didn’t go to the bathroom; he went and paid for both our meals without telling me. I got up, said thank you, went home and blocked his number. I never saw him again."
—Anonymous
12. "If they challenge everything you say...red flag. Being challenged a little bit is good, but when someone challenges every single thing you say, it's usually a precursor to controlling behavior."
—karzeen
13. "He talked about herpes for 30 minutes. He did not have herpes, but he discussed it for quite a long amount of time."
—willowred
14. "How open (or closed off) they are to having conversations and listening can be a red flag. If people are willing to cut you off or have a rebuttal before you can finish your thought, they weren't listening. They were focusing on what they were going to say. Always have a partner that is willing to listen and communicate."
—bexgee
15. "STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR EX ON A FIRST DATE MY DUDES!"
—Anonymous
16. "I was in Naples, Italy and went on a date with an Italian guy. First, he got in a fight with our waiter because he brought us a wine bottle that was already opened, then the manager came over and he started fighting with her too. It was so embarrassing. EVERYONE in the restaurant was watching and I was sitting there turning red. I even voice recorded it! Also, they were all fighting in Italian (which I don’t speak), so I had no clue what they were saying. THEN, we met up with his friend later and THEY ended up getting in a fight because the friend’s girlfriend was calling him. It was ANOTHER full-on fight."
—ybbag
17. "Ordering for, or assuming orders for the other person is a red flag. If my date orders me a salad or decides how I want my meat cooked without my permission, it’s already looking toxic and controlling."
18. "I called a guy over to my place for a hookup. We had been flirting over Hinge for a while and he seemed pretty cool. He came over and it was going somewhat well. But, then he said he needed to chant while he took off every item of clothing. After the deed was done, this man said he needed to do the chant again before putting the items back on. Underwear to socks — every item got a chant. While I was eating pizza and watching in disbelief, this man performed a whole ritual in my tiny room, fully naked. I'm from India and I've seen all kinds of rituals and prayers, but nothing prepared me for this naked dude standing over my new rug doing this."
"Suddenly, he got all chirpy and was practically jumping on the bed before laying down and saying that I was an angel in his life and he was so glad he met me before the year ended. It was quite difficult to get him out of my house and I had to eventually ghost him because the man became obsessed. He kept calling me his angel and tried to start very personal conversations about how he hated his mom. I believe that was my last random hookup."
—Anonymous
19. "Looking back at my early dating life, a big red flag that comes up is how a guy treats the 'event' of dating itself. There was one particular guy who was careful not to officially say we were on a 'date,' but he wanted to flirt and hold my hand the whole time. I was young and so desperate for attention that I didn't even care how little he actually respected me as a person."
20. "First he ordered my drink for me and got a frozen pineapple margarita instead of a beer I actually wanted. Then, when I kept asking regular first date questions, like where are you from or what do you like to do, he kept asking me to guess. I had never met him before. I didn't know these things! He also wanted to play two truths and a lie and the winner got to ask truth or dare. I won (even though he's allegedly an actor) and since I'm too old for that shit, I chose truth and tried to actually find out where he was from. He said, 'If I won, I would've dared you to kiss me, obviously.' He also tried high-fiving me a few times. AND, he wanted to take a walk after dinner. It was pouring rain with thunder and lightning."
—Anonymous
21. "It was a first date from a dating app. When I get to the restaurant, he’d already ordered and had started eating. Banal conversation ensued. There weren’t any huge red flags until I got back in my car, called my best friend to debrief, and could not remember a single thing we talked about."
—jcd3811
22. "So many red flags! We met at a coffee shop one evening after I got out of work. He paid the barista in cash and tossed coins down on the counter (not cool, bro). He was awkward throughout the date, but things got super weird when it was time to leave. He REALLY wanted to come back to my place with me and 'hang out.' I told him I had a bunch of school work to do (I was working full-time and going to school part-time) and he suggested a 'solution' that involved me doing my school work at my apartment and him sitting there so he could hang out with me. When I wouldn't give in, he made a pouty face and said he was in a cuddly mood, then proceeded to basically shove his tongue down my throat. When he finally got into his car to leave, I watched him leave before I left the parking lot, then drove around for a little while before going back to my place to make sure he didn't follow me home."
—Anonymous
23. "He told me his feet were soft because he used Vaseline. He then took his shoes off and rubbed his foot on my leg as a demonstration. I was mortified!"
—Anonymous
24. "I met a guy on an app. He was fun to talk to and seemed very chill. He asked me to meet and said that he could order pizza and we could watch a movie. I wasn't super comfortable with going to someone's house right away so I suggested a public place, but he listed some good reasons to chill indoors. I went to his place and the dude didn't speak the way he texted at all. He just seemed completely different in person. I was too polite back then, so I stepped up. We proceeded to have the most dull conversation ever. He then tried to move in for a kiss. I stopped him and said I would leave if he thought that's all I came over for. He apologized and said he felt like there was a 'moment.'"
"As the evening progressed, he tried it again. I stopped it again, and then he asked why I can't just kiss him. I got super pissed, but he seemed overly eager and I felt like things could get creepier, so I kept calm, made an excuse, and got the hell out of there. Later that week, he kept insisting that I invite him to my place. I texted him straight-up that I didn't feel the vibe and was not comfortable continuing things. He sent me a long list of why girls like me are lame and how I must have a shitty life. I blocked him, but he found me on another platform and called me lame for blocking him. I reported him on all the platforms I could find. Yuck."
—Anonymous
25. "I guess I should've known this guy would be weird when he took me to get a $2 coffee and paid in change that he took out of a homemade change purse reserved for his coin collection. When we went back to his place to connect more, he decided to show me his favorite music on his YouTube 'watch later' playlist and it was Scandinavian screamo music. I wasn't allowed to talk during it because I would 'ruin the song' if I interrupted. Those should've been my red flags, but I stayed because I was young and naive. He then proceeded to tell me he was a writer and he wanted me to play a game with him. He wrote mystery stories where it would be about an inanimate object and I had to guess what he was writing about. It made no sense and was actually quite awful."
"To top the night off, he leaned in and told me he had a secret. He told me he also wrote erotica and he'd written one for me, with my name in it, about my favorite holiday, Christmas. He then read it to me. He told me all of his mom's friends called him and asked him to read his erotica stories to them over the phone because they loved them so much. All of this to say, if you get the 'ICK' right away like I did, take that as a red flag. You should trust your instincts."
—Anonymous
26. Finally: "I went on a date with a guy I met on a dating app. We had hit it off initially through texts and phone calls. When we met up it felt seamless, as though we had known each other for a while. We did some shopping and then had a late lunch. I noticed that he brightened when he saw the hostess who sat us. Things were going well until after he ordered food and excused himself to the restroom. He was gone for over 20 minutes, and I was nervous that he stuck me with the bill and bailed. But, then he returned and had a totally different vibe. He hurried through the meal and seemed less energetic. When we were done, he made some lame excuse about having to get home soon. When we left he and the hostess exchanged a weird glance. I truly think they hooked up in the restroom or something. Needless to say, we parted ways and I never heard from him again."
Are there other first date red flags we missed? Tell us in the comments!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.