You might be a fan of Riverdale, but let's face it —the show is ridiculous. So now that it's back for its fourth season, we decided to break down the most ludicrous moments from the series so far.
1. Archie was so in love with his teacher that he sold his guitar to buy her a new cello bow.
Cellos ain't cheap and she wasn't all that. Also, the storyline of a student–teacher relationship is so gross that we should bin them forever.
2. Speaking of which, the storyline used to focus on Archie trying to juggle his sport and musical passions...
...but he seems to have dropped both to take on a life of violent crime.
Archie went from being in the Red Circle that was against criminal activity to straight-up joining Hiram's mafia organisation.
3. And Jughead went from hating his family's gangster roots to becoming the LEADER of the Southside Serpents.
Alexa, play Beenie Man "Hypocrite."
4. Veronica took over from Josie in JOSIE and the Pussycats.
Just one of the show's many injustices.
5. Archie confessed to a murder that he had absolutely nothing to do with.
And we're not going to comment on the fact that he wore a bow tie to court.
6. Cheryl's mum ran a brothel.
Penelope Blossom transitioning from a super-strict mum to a madam is A LOT, but TBH, this is the drama we tune in for.
7. So many characters have completely ridiculous names.
Sweetpea, Jughead, Tall Boy, Jellybean, Chic — what is going on?!
8. That epsiode where the gang had some kind of swinging party in a cabin.
Literally no one asked for this.
9. The many, many musical episodes.
STOP. WITH. THE. MUSICALS.
10. The fact that Cheryl is a pro archer.
Riverdale's very own Hawkeye.
11. Betty did a striptease in front of her boyfriend, a huge crowd, and her mum.
Remember, Betty is supposed to be 16.
12. The whole Dark Betty thing.
What even is a serial killer gene????
13. Everyone seems to be so relaxed about the constant murders that go down in Riverdale.
Has no one thought to maybe move yet?
14. Also, almost everyone in the town seems scarily prepared to kill.
Remember when Archie broke both of Nick St. Clair's legs? Yeah, WTF was that???
15. Veronica has her own speakeasy.
Again — she's 16! Laws are clearly just guidelines in Riverdale.
16. Why is Hiram so involved with kids?!
His age-mates are fighting actual gangsters, and he's setting traps for kids with names like Jughead.
17. '00s sweetheart Chad Michael Murray is the leader of a cult AND secretly harvests organs.
There are way too many underground businesses in Riverdale to keep up with.
18. And finally, THE BEAR!!!
One of the writers was clearly watching The Revenant the night before, because THAT was the most ridiculous storyline of them all.