1.
When you're struggling to reach the word count whilst writing an essay
2.
Maw keeps buying dark chocolate biscuits knowin fine well am allergic tae it hinkin it’ll stop me tanning them 😂 hi… https://t.co/lLAZJwA3Ec
3.
My neck, my back, my
4.
you’d think they would have run out of bits of linda mccartney to put in the sausages by now
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no way man 😂😂😂
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I accidentally sat on a packet of cheddars today and heard my 4 year old niece say "oh no, my cheds" faintly from across the room
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A modern day Romeo & Juliet
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as if the school uploaded a pic of me writin with a cheese string
9.
I'm sorry, the old Colin the Caterpillar Cake can't come to the phone right now... Why? Oh, 'cause he's dead ☎️
10.
Told mum I want a chicken burger for tea An she goes 'on a bun?' No Julie between 2 fkin adidas gazelles yes on a bun
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I found the tunnel to heaven guys
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When ur a goth but the suns oot x
13.
when your nan brings the biscuit barrel out..
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funny how 5 pieces of fruit/veg a day seems impossible but 6 packets of crisps & 4 packs of biscuits in 1 sitting is no challenge whatsoever
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when you can't be bothered leaving your room to get some food
16.
Ma sisters just told me her pal canny get Indians delivered cause she lives on Curry Street n they think it's a prank call
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12.99 tae look like a bit a ravioli
18.
In Trinidad and Tobago it will cost you £2.50 for a steak pie, in Jamaica it will cost you £3.00. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
19.
genuinely not kiddin this vote is more important than a general election n if they get rid a prawn cocktail al fuck… https://t.co/9uT66DAaaJ
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Cheers gran
21.
Picked up my mum steaming and she said "can we get chips" to which I replied "no we have some in the freezer",been waiting years to say that
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Feel like pure shite i just want her back x
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24.
When your duck is actually really posh
25.
chewing gum geen me better advice than half ma pals
26.
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Idk who’s idea hash browns were but they deserve a fuckin knighthood
28.
Imagine being a fuckin vegan, walking hame after a night oot steaming like "fuck me i could go a cabbage supper"
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WIFE: This is for a tweet isn't it...
30.
How many crisps was she eating
31.
Dominos asked robbie how many slices he wanted his pizza cut into 4 or 6 n he said 4 cause he couldn't eat 6
32.
I'm begging of you please don't take my man
33.
When your maw sends you to Asda with yer da
34.
me n andy r out for lunch look at the size of this pepper grinder lmfaoooooo
35.
36.
Feel like pure shit just want her back
37.
Snakes don’t hiss they vote paprika over prawn cocktail
38.
When you order a muffin but are accidentally given an a-level art project about the fall of man instead
39.
Chocolate digestives are the unsung hero of the biscuit world, no in it for the fame, just keeps its heed down and does the job
40.
Who the fuck designed this? Aquafresh?!
41.
AND ON EASTER SUNDAY JESUS DID RISE DECREEING THAT THE BIG TESCO MUST CLOSE IN HIS HONOUR BUT THE EXPRESS STORE CAN STAY OPEN FOR ESSENTIALS
42.
Here, if you got Sunderland’s form in a pack of Starburst you’d be buzzing with that...
43.
its mad to think that if you buy a triple sandwich at Tesco, someone else is eating the other half of the same sandwich
44.
when your mum shouts dinners ready but its not actually ready so you're just sat there like
45.
I hate when I see fish fingers on the kids menu why is it for kids they're for everyone
46.
One of my flatmates opens their bread like this. I don't feel safe anymore.
47.
English people will dead put anything in a sandwich. Fish fingers, chips, crisps, sausages. You name it, it's going in the fucking bread
48.
"Did ya say ya want scraps wi' them fish 'n' chips, love?"
49.
And through it all She offers me protection A...
50.
Long time to be out for dinner