49 Painful, Horrible, Terrible Things Most Makeup Addicts Have Experienced
Using an eye pencil that definitely needs sharpening and wincing as the sharp wood scratches your eyelid.
1. The horror of finding that your makeup has smudged onto someone’s very white top, and coming to terms with the fact you’ll never be able to talk to them again.
2. Spending a ridiculous amount of time perfecting your makeup in the house, only to step outside and realise your foundation is badly blended, your eyebrows are way too much, and your lipstick is five shades lighter than you thought it was.
3. Getting your eyeliner perfect by some sweet miracle and then fucking the other one up so monumentally that you have to sit down for a minute and have a little cry.
4. Using a cotton bud to fix an eyeliner mishap but forgetting you already used it when you fucked up the other eye, and somehow making your eyeliner even messier by smudging it even more.
5. Getting lipstick on your teeth and not realising until the end of a very long conversation.
6. And then spending the next hour imagining what that person must have been thinking while staring at your lipstick-stained teeth.
7. Doing your makeup on public transport and suddenly being paranoid that everyone is staring at how bad you are.
8. Trying on a top in a clothing store and getting foundation all over the neckline.
9. Asking for a foundation recommendation in a makeup shop from someone who doesn’t quite understand your skin tone, and having to pretend that the shade that’s way too light is “perfectly fine!”
10. Trying on 35 lipsticks in a row and having to ignore the fact your lips are stinging so badly you can actually feel them throbbing.
11. But carrying on anyway because you still haven’t found the perfect nude.
12. Using an eye pencil that definitely needs sharpening and wincing as the sharp wood scratches your eyelid.
13. When drunk-you forgets to take your makeup off and sober-you wakes up to find a puddle of drool, an eyelash stuck to your forehead, and half of your makeup left on your pillow.
14. Perfecting the most gorgeous eyeshadow look and then going in with mascara and fucking it up with a trail of black marks.
15. Learning the importance of blending the hard way when your neck and face end up a completely different colour.
16. Thinking your makeup looks great on a night out and then having your picture taken with flash and realising you look like a ghost on acid.
17. When your eyes start watering and the tears leave unsightly streaks on your foundation.
18. Attempting a makeup tutorial and having to stop one minute in because you don’t have the 37 products you need for a “natural look”.
19. Or actually having all the products, following along, and accidentally turning yourself into a dickhead instead of Rihanna.
20. Walking into a makeup shop and the sales assistant asking you so many questions that before you know it you’ve bought £100 worth of products you can’t even pronounce, when all you wanted were some sodding makeup wipes.
21. Forgetting you have eye makeup on and aggressively rubbing your eyes before realising what you’ve done.
22. Stabbing yourself in the eye with a mascara wand and not knowing whether your tears are just a kneejerk reaction from the poke or actual tears of frustration.
23. Attempting to do your liquid eyeliner in a moving vehicle and getting some on your nose when the car jolts.
24. Looking back at old pictures when your eyebrows were teeny tiny sperms and wondering what the fuck you were thinking.
25. Putting the lid on your lipstick before twisting it all the way down and squishing it to within an inch of its life.
26. Or having your lipstick break altogether and staring at the remains of what could’ve been.
27. Realising you’re actually shit at taking your makeup off when you wash your face and leave little black stains all over your towel.
28. Ripping off your fake eyelashes while drunk and accidentally taking six of your own with them.
29. Or withstanding the torture of your fake lashes being itchy beyond belief and not being able to touch them.
30. Leaving your house on a particularly windy day and having your hair stick to your lipstick like an evil parasite determined to ruin your life.
31. Running out of foundation just before you said you were going to replace it.
32. Or having your favourite product discontinued before you could stock up on a lifetime supply.
33. When you innocently think “just one more coat” of mascara and then end up sporting the spider lash look of 2007.
34. Sweating your makeup off after half an hour of being in a club and wondering why you bothered getting ready in the first place.
35. Wearing matte lipstick when you already have dry lips and actually feeling the moment when your lips start cracking.
36. Having a heavily pigmented and really fucking glittery eyeshadow explode in your bag and still finding remnants of it on your makeup for weeks afterwards.
37. Finally washing your makeup brushes and then not being able to use them because they take six years to dry
38. Curling your eyelashes and pinching your eyelid in the process.
39. Dropping literally any makeup item down the toilet and then having to fish it out with your bare hands.
40. Especially if it’s a Beautyblender.
41. When you have oily skin and your foundation clumps together at the T-zones, making you look like a cakey mess.
42. Getting a giant, mascara-clad eyelash in your eye and experiencing a short, painful moment of near blindness.
43. Dealing with hay fever and attempting not to rub your entire face off in irritation.
44. Buying an expensive-ass foundation and having it shatter in front of your very eyes, breaking both your heart and your bank, because now you have to buy a fucking new one.
45. Accidentally leaving makeup marks on every white surface you come into contact with.
46. Getting to the till at your favourite makeup store and pretending you meant to spend £300 when really you’re just financially irresponsible and thought it’d actually be 50 quid.
47. Gluing your eyelashes on wrong and having a permanent wink the entire night.
48. Losing your lipstick and asking sweet baby Jesus in heaven what in the fuck you did to deserve such a loss.
49. And when you let someone else do your makeup, and immediately remember why you have trust issues.