23 Sex Ed Horror Stories That Will Make You Cringe Then Laugh Or Cry
"She just put on The Price Is Right and told us not to have sex until we are married."
2. The sticky situation:
In the middle of a lesson explaining tampons and sanitary towels one girl asked which way up a pad was meant to be used. It received a collective wince from the other girls in the room as we all imagined a pad being used sticky side up.
3. The curtains and the drapes:
When I was in middle school sex ed class, the teacher separated the boys and girls in order for our respective sexes to come up with a list of questions that we had for the other. When we all came back and began asking each other questions, one boy asked, “Do red-headed girls have red-headed pubic hair?” I was the only red-headed girl in the class and so all 24 pairs of eyes, including the teacher, turned to me for the answer. I had to talk about my pubic hair in front of a large group of 13-year-olds who now all know that the curtains do indeed match the drapes.
4. The paper bag:
I had a sex ed teacher who told us in detail about how unpleasant she found female condoms from her own personal experience. In her own words it was "like having sex with a paper bag stuffed in there".
– Kat Fleming, Facebook
5. The CD case prize:
The thing I remember the most is the teacher who told us she used to have sex with a lot of guys and each time she gave away a piece of herself. She said she felt sad and empty until Jesus Christ came into her life and filled that hole (lol). Then we watched a slide show of all the things you could catch. They maybe mentioned condoms, but were quick to remind us that the safest sex was no sex until marriage. Then we all had to sign our name on a piece of paper pledging we'd stay abstinent so we could get a CD case that said "Doing it doesn't get it". Maybe that's why we had a 12-year-old pregnant girl in my school.
– Katherine Hosford, Facebook
7. The mother:
Our sex ed/contraception class was taught by my mother. I'm not sure it can get cringier than having another 29 girls sat in the room while your mother goes through all the various methods of contraception, but then one girl fainted as the femidom landed in her lap.
– Lizzie Squirrel-Chops, Facebook
9. The honest teacher:
When I was in eighth grade, one kid in my class asked our middle-aged health teacher, “Is masturbation bad for you?” The teacher thought for a moment, then responded, “Well… it never hurt me.”
10. The magic wand:
My health teacher’s most common catchphrase was, “It’s not how long the wand is, it’s the magic that you make with it that counts,” which she would say as she pointed towards one of the boys in the room.
12. The lube explosion:
They brought the school nurse of all people to come in and teach sex ed. She blew up a condom like a balloon (to prove that they can expand, to put the “it doesn’t fit me” excuse to bed) and it eventually exploded. Unluckily for me, I was in the front row of the classroom. Me and a friend got splattered with lube.
13. The banana:
In eighth grade, our homeroom teacher was tasked with doing a seminar on sexual health. He showed us how to use a condom (checking for air bubbles, expiration date, not ripping it open with your teeth, etc.) and put it on a banana. Then he put on one of those cheesy movies about peer pressure, peeled the lube-covered banana, and ate it.
15. Embarrassed Beth:
During our sex education day one of the classes was taught by a specialist who had a very impressive collection of realistic dildos to demonstrate how to put on a condom. She put one at the front and asked people to come up and volunteer to show how to put on a condom. My (now ex) boyfriend volunteered first and took FIFTEEN MINUTES to open the damn condom package. The entire time, people were shouting up at him with things about me like “Beth is getting bored” and “She’ll fall asleep at this rate.” It was awful, and the teacher did absolutely nothing to stop them. In the end, it took him 25 minutes to get the condom anywhere near the dildo and even then it was inside out.
16. The feathery foreplay:
In my Year 6 sex ed class they showed an animation of a couple tickling each other with feathers as a form of foreplay before having sex. At the end of the class we all had an opportunity to write anonymous questions. The teacher then proceeded to read aloud, “Do you have to use feathers every time you have sex?”
17. The Marks and Spencer mix-up:
I am a science teacher and my most cringeworthy moment is when I was teaching sex ed to a bunch of 12/13-year-olds someone asked about “M&S”. “What?” I replied in confusion. “No, you know that thing in Fifty Shades of Grey – it’s not normal is it?” says the child. Someone else pipes up and chatter breaks out about the film, which was being released that week. It dawns on me they are asking about BDSM and not Marks & Spencer. Thinking on my feet I then have to use an analogy: Sex is like eating food, a necessary biological function. However sometimes we eat foods like ice cream because we like to, not because we are hungry. BDSM is like pistachio ice cream, some people love it but the flavour is not for everyone.
18. The plastic vagina:
Before we were an item, my current fiancé was known as the kid who stole the plastic vagina from sex ed class. He will not give me a reason why he stole it, nor do I know what he planned to do with it. He only returned it after finding out it was $1,000 to replace. Somehow, we’re engaged.
19. The cold sore:
When we were learning about STIs the teacher literally pointed to her face and said: “This is what herpes looks like,” and proceeded to slowly walk around the class to show all of us her cold sore.
20. The dieter:
The teacher was discussing the amount of sperm present in each ejaculation when a girl raised her hand and asked how many calories were in each ejaculation. She wanted to make sure sex was a net win for her exercise/dieting regime.
My male teacher proceeded to discuss the subject in detail and said each ejaculation is about 20 calories, which would take about 10 minutes of sex time per ejaculate to burn off, which was an unfavorable ratio for the girl in class so she declared that she’d now start spitting it out.
We ended class on that note.
22. The self-loving student:
In eighth-grade sex ed we were watching a graphic video of a woman giving birth. Graphic as in the camera was pointed right at the woman’s vagina while she was giving birth. My friend next to me nudged my foot and discreetly directed my attention to the loner who never talked to anyone in the back of the class. He was watching the video with his hands down his pants, pleasuring himself. We both turned back to the front of the class, wide-eyed, and made eye contact with our instructor. She looked at us and mouthed, “I know.”
23. The mason jar:
My ninth-grade sex ed teacher brought in her husband's sperm in a mason jar and passed it around the room for all of us to see. She was promptly fired and I vomited.