1. Durham is a pretty average place.
2. With a pretty average cathedral.
3. Nothing to see here, move along.
4. The view from the top is OK, I suppose.
5. Bit too much like Hogwarts.
6. It's got quite a boring castle as well.
7. Can you believe people actually live in that crumbly old building?
8. Imagine this being your front door; it'd be crap.
9. Living next to that train line must be awfully noisy.
10. That landscape is totally ruined by that viaduct, don't you think?
11. No one wants to spend an afternoon on one of those boats.
12. There are just too many bridges to navigate.
13. The River Wear is more like a shit stream, really.
14. Snow doesn't make it look like a magical fairy land at all.
15. Wouldn't want to wake up to this view out of my window.
16. Little stroll by the river in the snow? No thank you.
17. All the streets are just so plain and boring.
18. Everywhere is just brown and grey.
19. This looks like a horrible place to live.
21. There's no culture.
22. That light festival they have is a bit drab.
23. Modern art is just overrated.
24. It's hard to make this city worse, but they managed it by covering it in art.
25. You wouldn't want countryside like this just a short walk away, would you?
26. Who would want acres of botanical gardens to explore?
The Durham Botanical Gardens
27. Bluebell woods on your doorstep? No thanks.
28. No one would want to hang out on top of a hill with an old wicker man and look at the view, surely?
29. These scenes less than a mile from the city centre? Oh dear.
30. This nightclub is just shit, and in no way an iconic institution.
31. Don't spend an afternoon sitting on this lawn.
32. This is a terrible high street – make sure you don't eat in any of the cute cafés.
33. Because Durham definitely isn't a wonderful, exciting, beautiful city.
34. Whatever you do, stay away.
